Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When her male colleagues wager on her best friend’s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.
"When a women commits suicide after being raped, her best friend wants the billionaire locked up; when he gets off scot-free, she wants him dead." How early in the story does he get out of going to prison? ?What is the goal that initially arises from the inciting incident, what is it that she wantsRead more
“When a women commits suicide after being raped, her best friend wants the billionaire locked up; when he gets off scot-free, she wants him dead.”
How early in the story does he get out of going to prison? ?What is the goal that initially arises from the inciting incident, what is it that she wants right after her friend commits suicide? If he evades the legal system early in the story, then you need to only describe her goal to kill him, if it’s late in the story, then describe the goal as being her attempt to get him convicted.
This version of the logline touches upon an issue of rapists not being punished for their crime. It has the potential to be very topical and that could be a hook. The logline still has issues, though.
In loglines, the protagonist doesn’t just ‘want’. What does she actively do in order to get him locked up? What does she actively do to make sure he dies? One other note, I think it’s easier when you describe everyone in a logline in relation to to the protagonist. So, rather than describe the woman who commits suicide as just a woman, describe her as the protagonist’s best friend.
What job does the protagonist have? What skills does she have that means she achieve her goal?
Here’s my example:?When her best friend commits suicide after being raped, a woman must gather evidence to make sure the billionaire playboy who raped her is brought to justice. (27)?
See lessWhen her male colleagues wager on her best friend’s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.
To go along with what DPG ?said, I simply have to point out one thing: In both of my posts I had to ask how she seeks out her revenge. As DPG said revenge can encompass many different actions that the protagonist would take to achieve her goal. You even had to make the distinction of it being closerRead more
To go along with what DPG ?said, I simply have to point out one thing: In both of my posts I had to ask how she seeks out her revenge. As DPG said revenge can encompass many different actions that the protagonist would take to achieve her goal. You even had to make the distinction of it being closer to a Hitchcock movie rather than Kill Bill.
“When a woman?s failure to speak-up leads to her best friend?s rape, she must redeem herself by avenging her friend.”
I think you handled the inciting incident better than I did in my example. I had trouble trying to word it to be specific and introduce the guilt and redemption arc.
“What you all seem to be saying is that the logline take us as far into the film as necessary until we come to a unique hook.”
How far the hook is in the film doesn’t really matter, what matters is that it is present in the logline, to get your script read. We’ve had a discussion before about the importance of the elements in a logline, and first and foremost, the most important thing is the hook. The hook could be the concept itself, or a high concept story, which could be a twist on a tried and familiar story type, such as this logline?DPG posted. Or if it’s fantasy or sci-fi it could be a new and cool technology or magic, something people would want to see on screen.
See lessSo what’s your twist, your hook? What’s the thing that sets your story apart from the numerous revenge stories we’ve seen? What will make a producer want to read your script, fund it and see this on screen?
When her male colleagues wager on her best friend’s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.
"After a reticent woman fails to warn her friend she could be raped and she is raped, the woman seeks to redeem herself through vengeance."The logline suffers from telling, not showing. Don't tell us she seeks to redeem herself, tell us the thing she needs redemption from and then show us how she doRead more
“After a reticent woman fails to warn her friend she could be raped and she is raped, the woman seeks to redeem herself through vengeance.”
The logline suffers from telling, not showing. Don’t tell us she seeks to redeem herself, tell us the thing she needs redemption from and then show us how she does it. Don’t just tell us she seeks vengeance, describe how she achieves it, or plans to achieve it.
Example:?After failing to prevent her friend from being raped, a woman seeks vengeance by gathering evidence to but the men in prison. (22)
Keep in mind this just me coming up with something using your story elements to show you an example of a logline. I still don’t know exactly what the main action of the story is, how she achieves her goal of vengeance.?
As of right now, I think the logline fails to present a compelling hook. Not to say it isn’t an interesting idea with potential, but it needs that something that sticks out, something that draws attention and reels the reader in. Perhaps her method of vengeance can be interesting and unique, something a producer would look at and want to fund to see it on the big screen.?
I hope this helps.?
See less