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Fallen in love with Christ, a young Muslim girl finds out that her existence depends upon her recognition of the truth – she’s in love with a non-existent person – her seek for truth only leads her to reveal her true nature – goodness and curiosity – questions asked and answered, her seek – immortality.
"A young muslim girl in 1900s in India falls in love with a duke only to find out that it?s a Demon, according to herself he?s a descendent of Christ, following whom leads her to her own death." If you haven't already, I suggest going over the Formula tab at the top of the page for general informatiRead more
“A young muslim girl in 1900s in India falls in love with a duke only to find out that it?s a Demon, according to herself he?s a descendent of Christ, following whom leads her to her own death.”
If you haven’t already, I suggest going over the Formula tab at the top of the page for general information on forming a logline.
Your logline suffers from a few problems. The first is that it doesn’t describe the plot. As a result of falling in love with this demon, what does she have to do? What goal does she pursue? I don’t keep up with religious things, but I think that a Demon being a descendant of Christ raises some questions.
See lessThe logline should describe a visual action, what the viewer will see on screen. It should describe a goal that has a visual climax so the viewer will know the story has been resolved.
After his son is shot in a drive-by, a gangster must use his crippled werewolf abilities to kill the vengeful vampire who has been attacking his gang.
The son does survive. He gets shot and is taken to the hospital, where is his father doesn't want him because he could be attacked there. I was just responding to your idea of the inciting incident being that the son is turned into a vampire when I think it is more dramatic and to have the son shotRead more
The son does survive. He gets shot and is taken to the hospital, where is his father doesn’t want him because he could be attacked there. I was just responding to your idea of the inciting incident being that the son is turned into a vampire when I think it is more dramatic and to have the son shot non-fatally and then be what drives the main character, because he has to protect him.
See lessAs I said in my earlier comment, this vampire can survive in sunlight, though she is weakened. If she was a normal vampire and had to go into her coffin or whatever in the day, then one weakened werewolf could tear through a gang of normal people and just stake her while sleeps. No challenge. It gives the main character a stark advantage over the antagonist.
After his son is shot in a drive-by, a gangster must use his crippled werewolf abilities to kill the vengeful vampire who has been attacking his gang.
I've been thinking more about your feedback, dpg. I already touched on it in my response before, but I have a little more to add. She doesn't openly use her vampire powers in the middle of the day because of the aforementioned hush-hush nature of magic and the consequences those actions would bring.Read more
I’ve been thinking more about your feedback, dpg. I already touched on it in my response before, but I have a little more to add. She doesn’t openly use her vampire powers in the middle of the day because of the aforementioned hush-hush nature of magic and the consequences those actions would bring. Which, being fairly new to the supernatural community, she doesn’t fully grasp but yet she still knows not to cross that line. She plays in his world, a gangster. Not only that, but the stakes and the lengths she’ll go to get vengeance escalate throughout the story, as she starts to?become bolder and more accustomed to her power.
See lessSo, I ask you a question now, which would be more compelling, a man having to stop his son from being turned into a vampire in front of him at the climax, the height of emotion, or at the beginning of the story, which just leads to an empty kind of vengeance? At the beginning she shows she can get to him, his son is in danger, the only person he has left, but he can still be protected, what drives him.
Thanks for the discussion. I’m happy with what I have so far and you’ve made me look through and examine what I have.