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A military astronaut test flying a secret craft becomes stranded in a parallel world where the U.S. is a third world country ruled by a brutal dictator.
While your revision has too many elements for a logline, I disagree that he couldn't do it justice in one movie. ?The parallel world is just the setting, so that wouldn't be the focus, but most likely as in The Flash series, just have teasers as to how the world differs from our own. Also part of thRead more
While your revision has too many elements for a logline, I disagree that he couldn’t do it justice in one movie. ?The parallel world is just the setting, so that wouldn’t be the focus, but most likely as in The Flash series, just have teasers as to how the world differs from our own. Also part of the setting is the US part, and then the brutal dictator is most likely going to somehow cause conflict, probably by the laws in place. ?Finding the spacecraft that brought him is the plot itself, until at the end he starts to question whether he wants to go home or not because of his wife.
See lessFor the logline, however, you may want to keep the wife twist out. Stripping it down, you don’t really need to mention that the US is 3rd world country, or the dictator in the logline. The bare bones of the story, at least from what I gather, is that an astronaut is stranded in a parallel universe, separated from the technology that allowed him to get there, and is trying to find his way back home.
I have an example, tweaking your idea for my own use:?After an astronaut is stranded in a parallel universe and separated from the (secret could be included, but again I don’t think it’s essential to the logline) technology that got him there, he must steal the ship back from the militarized?U.S capital. (~29 words)
I added the part about stealing to give the plot more of a focus in the logline, but that was just for my purpose.
Great concept, keep working at it.
After being raped by her uncle when she was younger, a pastor’s daughter plots and carries out different ways of destroying her uncles family with coincidental mishaps causing their deaths over the years.
First, a lot of the logline is just fat that could easily be trimmed without changing the idea. ?The logline shouldn't give a lot of detail, just should capture the overall concept of the idea. So, my trimmed suggestion would be: After her uncle rapes her, a woman(In the logline you state the rape aRead more
First, a lot of the logline is just fat that could easily be trimmed without changing the idea. ?The logline shouldn’t give a lot of detail, just should capture the overall concept of the idea. So, my trimmed suggestion would be: After her uncle rapes her, a woman(In the logline you state the rape as happening in the past so I’m just guessing she’s a woman and not a girl at this point) slowly breaks apart his family by making them feel cursed through multiple unlikely deaths.
See lessOn to the idea, while rape is very traumatizing and might lead someone to revenge, why would this woman risk jail to kill people? I suppose what I’m saying is that while the rape is an inciting incident, it doesn’t have the clear connection to MC’s resulting actions. This story seems extremely personal, so try to incorporate that more into the logline. Since you state that the rape happened in the past, how has this affected her? Did her religious family reject the idea?(I’m familiar with this time of thing because of multiple articles I’ve read on the topic). Did she become depressed? Why is she doing this now, rather than acting sooner? Why does she choose this particular form of revenge when it was only her uncle who raped her and not his family?
I have an example that has some changed aspects from your own logline:
After her daughter is raped, a single mother?decides?to hatch the perfect murder plot to get rid of the uncle who also raped her while she was a child.
A little odd, but it gets my point across.
This version has a clear inciting incident(little girl is raped) and a personal connection(the uncle who also raped the MC while she was younger.) A plan(To murder him) And stakes(She can’t go to jail because she needs to take care of her daughter.)
While the premise has potential, it needs clear stakes and reasoning.
When a killer starts following the script seven actors deserted on a movie set must re-write their own ending before they die BEHIND THE SCENES.
To?the comment that the hero winning is the obligatory scene, I will say that there are cases where the antagonist deserves to win, because in a well crafted story the antagonist will have as much struggle as the hero, and perhaps either one deserves to win. I have to say that I think an ensemble coRead more
To?the comment that the hero winning is the obligatory scene, I will say that there are cases where the antagonist deserves to win, because in a well crafted story the antagonist will have as much struggle as the hero, and perhaps either one deserves to win.
See lessI have to say that I think an ensemble could be more interesting. Nir Shelter brings up the point that having one protagonist means that that person’s point of view drives the story, but if it a true ensemble, with no one main character, then the differing views the characters have could lead to interesting drama.
Take, for instance, immigration. If there were a main character, and they perhaps had views that lie close to what Trump’s are, then there would be a film solely about why there should be a wall, and how immigrants are taking jobs away from Americans(they aren’t.) Also, it would possibly antagonize any differing views. But if it’s an ensemble then all the views can be equally discussed and acknowledged, each character’s experiences leading up to their current ideas explored with the same care. Then again, maybe television would be better for this type of thing rather than a film’s limited time, not saying that it couldn’t be done, but 7 is perhaps too many for a film. (at least for a film that doesn’t have established characters such as sequel. or spin-off.)
Last thing, there’s also the fact that an ensemble is more likely to have a more diverse cast, with female and minority leads. Something like 4 women and 3 men, and of those 3 of women of color and 2 men of color.