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After completing prison term and reuniting with his loving wife a man wanted to choose the righteous path only to find his wife wants him to murder someone for the last time to bring her to justice.
Interesting concept. The one true problem I see with this concept is that there is no motivation While you say "to bring her justice", we don't know what that means. Why would this man kill someone, and right after he has been released from prison? Use a compelling, logical reason that can be conveyRead more
Interesting concept.
See lessThe one true problem I see with this concept is that there is no motivation While you say “to bring her justice”, we don’t know what that means. Why would this man kill someone, and right after he has been released from prison? Use a compelling, logical reason that can be conveyed in the logline clearly.
I agree with FFF that using a more specific target could be helpful, by maybe raising the stakes. (For example, if she wanted him to kill the president or a Prime minister from another country, there would be some difficulty there.)
Also, maybe saying what got him arrested would be helpful as well. Was he just a petty thief and now is faced with a crime much bigger than he is used to?
Using a mysterious equation to predict how and when he’ll die, a wealthy businessman must kill a corrupt government official to prevent his untimely demise, but when things go awry he starts to question if he is preventing or creating his fate.
I think the last part could be compressed. Also, try to find a character description that seems relevant to the logline. For the logline, why does it matter that he's a wealthy business man? My suggestion: After an equation predicts how and when he'll die, a man tries to battle his fate by killing aRead more
I think the last part could be compressed.
See lessAlso, try to find a character description that seems relevant to the logline. For the logline, why does it matter that he’s a wealthy business man?
My suggestion: After an equation predicts how and when he’ll die, a man tries to battle his fate by killing a corrupt senator.(Specifying what kind of official will also cut out a word.
A woman cop uncovers scary evidence of an old murder and battles long-imbedded terrors to catch the serial killer before she becomes the next victim.
"long imbedded terrors" is too vague. And do you really need to describe the evidence as "scary"? My suggestion would be: When a cop discovers new evidence of an old murder, she must catch the serial killer before she becomes his/her victim. But I think something you should include is why she wouldRead more
“long imbedded terrors” is too vague. And do you really need to describe the evidence as “scary”?
See lessMy suggestion would be: When a cop discovers new evidence of an old murder, she must catch the serial killer before she becomes his/her victim.
But I think something you should include is why she would be the next victim. ?Basically, how does the cop finding the evidence lead to her becoming the victim? Logically, it would obviously be that the serial killer wants to silence the cop, but how does the killer find out?
Just a suggestion, but I think that maybe making the targets the MC’s family or someone she cares about would raise the stakes, and not just make it a story about self-preservation.
My suggestion for this would be something like: When a serial killer escapes from prison, the cop who put him away must find him before he goes after her family.
Just something to think about.