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After an asteroid hits the earth and wipes out half the planet, a scientist must find a way to keep humanity from freezing to death by harnessing the earth’s core.
This logline, like your more recent one, ?has good structure and an interesting concept.
This logline, like your more recent one, ?has good structure and an interesting concept.
See lessWhen a portal to hell mysteriously opens, an inexperienced mage born of the hellish dimension, is the only one who can close it and bring peace to the kingdom.
"When a portal to hell mysteriously opens, an inexperienced mage born of the hellish dimension, is the only one who can close it and bring peace to the kingdom." This logline is structurally sound and conceptually interesting. The only problem I see is that logline makes a case for why the mage?shouRead more
“When a portal to hell mysteriously opens, an inexperienced mage born of the hellish dimension, is the only one who can close it and bring peace to the kingdom.”
This logline is structurally sound and conceptually interesting. The only problem I see is that logline makes a case for why the mage?should close it rather than why he?must?close it. By that I mean, sure, ?it’s the right thing to do, but what motivates the mage to do it? What are the stakes if he doesn’t? The only description of the portal’s effects are bring mages through. What’s so bad about that? It can, of course, be implied that demons come through, so describe that rather than simply saying “bring peace to the kingdom”.
See lessThe problem lies with the inciting incident. It seems fine, it’s a specific, singular event. But an inciting incident should be an event which directly affects the protagonist, something that upends the character’s life and forever changes their status quo, forcing them from inaction into proactively pursuing their objective goal.
So, what event make the mage realize he’s the only one who can, who?must pursue this goal, who must close this portal?
Sally Mitchell, after having a drunken one night stand with Chris Rogers, finds herself pregnant with twins. Sally and Chris move in together, , forcing their best friends and housemates Dean Smith and Melissa Pearce to do the same, resulting in four twenty somethings having to grow up faster than they wanted to.
"Sally Mitchell, after having a drunken one night stand with Chris Rogers, finds herself pregnant with twins. Sally and Chris move in together, , forcing their best friends and housemates Dean Smith and Melissa Pearce to do the same, resulting in four twenty somethings having to grow up faster thanRead more
“Sally Mitchell, after having a drunken one night stand with Chris Rogers, finds herself pregnant with twins. Sally and Chris move in together, , forcing their best friends and housemates Dean Smith and Melissa Pearce to do the same, resulting in four twenty somethings having to grow up faster than they wanted to.”
Like I suggested on your most recent post, studying the structure and elements of a logline so have a better understanding of it. Again, no names of fictional characters.
What is the objective goal of the protagonist? The logline sets up a situation but doesn’t describe a goal at all.
Once again, I highly recommend studying other people’s post and the feedback they receive. Not only that, but try to review other loglines yourself, I know from experience that it will give you a better understanding and will better your own loglines, and the advice you give.
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