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A renegade priest confesses to a detective the origin story of his uncanny ability to put “The Fear of God” into any man. (23)
If the confession is the B story, it shouldn't be in the logline. The logline should only describe the A story, or at least the story that is the most compelling, which is usually the A story. If the A story is the origin story, which sounds more interesting, then describe it. Describe that conflictRead more
If the confession is the B story, it shouldn’t be in the logline. The logline should only describe the A story, or at least the story that is the most compelling, which is usually the A story. If the A story is the origin story, which sounds more interesting, then describe it. Describe that conflict.
You’re confusing the hook at the beginning of the story, the narrative hook, and the hook of the concept.
See lessThe hook during the movie, what makes the viewer invested is completely different.
The hook of the concept is what’s different, unique. A twist on a well-trod concept, a new idea, a spin on another successful idea.
For example, I assume you’ve at least heard of Groundhog Day.
Well, in 2014 a film called Edge of Tomorrow was released. And though that film is based on a manga, what likely got it made, what got interest, is that it’s concept boils down to “Groundhog Day…with aliens.”
So far, your logline would give a producer a reason to check out “Frailty”. Why should they read your script?
A renegade priest confesses to a detective the origin story of his uncanny ability to put “The Fear of God” into any man. (23)
Rather than say that this is about someone's origin story, describe the origin story in the logline. What's the conflict? Who's the antagonist? What is the protagonist's goal? What's the inciting incident which causes them to pursue this goal? Or, if the origin story isn't the main conflict, then whRead more
Rather than say that this is about someone’s origin story, describe the origin story in the logline. What’s the conflict? Who’s the antagonist? What is the protagonist’s goal? What’s the inciting incident which causes them to pursue this goal? Or, if the origin story isn’t the main conflict, then what is? What conflict does the priest face?
See lessBy saying that this is your version of Fraility, I assume you mean the 2002 film directed by Bill Paxton. I also assume you don’t have the rights to this property, so you mean it as a comparison rather than an actual origin story of characters in that film. If that’s the case, then you set up an important question: What’s the hook? What is different about your film than Frailty?
This logline does very little to convey what the plot of the movie is going to be about. It also needs ?to convey the motivations of the characters.
A desperate Mexican single mother, looking to win back custody of her son living in America, kidnaps a US border guard and uses him as a coyote, unaware that her hostage is the Homeland security secretary?s nephew.
This logline sets up a situation. What specific event causes her to try to get her son back? As a result of the inciting incident, she decides she needs to get son back now. Also, how exactly does she plan to her son back? The last part of the logline doesn't need to be there. It's a reveal during tRead more
This logline sets up a situation. What specific event causes her to try to get her son back? As a result of the inciting incident, she decides she needs to get son back now. Also, how exactly does she plan to her son back?
The last part of the logline doesn’t need to be there. It’s a reveal during the story that isn’t important for the logline. Otherwise, the post presents an interesting concept. The logline just needs a few changes.
See less