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Fallen in love with Christ, a young Muslim girl finds out that her existence depends upon her recognition of the truth – she’s in love with a non-existent person – her seek for truth only leads her to reveal her true nature – goodness and curiosity – questions asked and answered, her seek – immortality.
"A young girl looks to another faith, but immediately finds that her mortality may lie with a false deity." While I think Foxtrot is on the right track, this attempt doesn't describe a plot. What's the inciting incident? What goal does that event cause the main character to pursue throughout the stoRead more
“A young girl looks to another faith, but immediately finds that her mortality may lie with a false deity.”
While I think Foxtrot is on the right track, this attempt doesn’t describe a plot. What’s the inciting incident? What goal does that event cause the main character to pursue throughout the story? How does she go about achieving that goal?
See lessAny logline for a film or television show should describe a visual action, something the producer can imagine on screen. Whether that’s driving, shooting, fistfights, even praying. What causes her to believe in a false deity? How is that represented visually? What’s the conflict that will be resolved at the climax of the story?
After his son is shot in a drive-by, a gangster must use his crippled werewolf abilities to kill the vengeful vampire who has been attacking his gang.
Oh, since you said " I see nothing in the inciting incident that incorporates what is unique to either werewolves or vampires. ?It?s standard-issue drive-by shooting. ?Not revenge by an involuntary ?blood donation? ? but by a bullet." I thought you thought the inciting incident should be the turningRead more
Oh, since you said ” I see nothing in the inciting incident that incorporates what is unique to either werewolves or vampires. ?It?s standard-issue drive-by shooting. ?Not revenge by an involuntary ?blood donation? ? but by a bullet.”
See lessI thought you thought the inciting incident should be the turning of his son.
I often find myself doing that for my own stories. I try to map and explain everything so it makes sense and then eventually I just realize, “It a fantasy, he can do magic. That’s that.”
Even if she can stay well hidden, that’s still 8+ hours where she can’t act and the protagonist can. He could slaughter the whole rival gang, taking away her resources. There’s just too much he could do. She is quite a bit weaker than other vampires, she gives up some of the strength, speed, etc, in order to be able to operate in the day. There are also other things which affect her because of how new of a vampire she is. But I play pretty fast and loose with the established conventions. I see most of them as suggestions, not rules. I use them or ignore them depending on how convenient they are for my story. For example, most werewolves aren’t beholden to moon in order to shape-shift. With a little practice they can do it at will. That has little to do with this story but it will be applied in the sequel I’m planning.
Sure, his senses aren’t as good as they were when he was at full strength, but he still is quite adept at tracking, using his enhanced senses and the mundane methods he’s picked up over the years of hunting prey.
Fallen in love with Christ, a young Muslim girl finds out that her existence depends upon her recognition of the truth – she’s in love with a non-existent person – her seek for truth only leads her to reveal her true nature – goodness and curiosity – questions asked and answered, her seek – immortality.
"A young muslim girl in 1900s in India falls in love with a duke only to find out that it?s a Demon, according to herself he?s a descendent of Christ, following whom leads her to her own death." If you haven't already, I suggest going over the Formula tab at the top of the page for general informatiRead more
“A young muslim girl in 1900s in India falls in love with a duke only to find out that it?s a Demon, according to herself he?s a descendent of Christ, following whom leads her to her own death.”
If you haven’t already, I suggest going over the Formula tab at the top of the page for general information on forming a logline.
Your logline suffers from a few problems. The first is that it doesn’t describe the plot. As a result of falling in love with this demon, what does she have to do? What goal does she pursue? I don’t keep up with religious things, but I think that a Demon being a descendant of Christ raises some questions.
See lessThe logline should describe a visual action, what the viewer will see on screen. It should describe a goal that has a visual climax so the viewer will know the story has been resolved.