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A domesticated soldier must rekindle her killer instinct by a suicidal Drill Sergeant in order to assassinate her drug trafficking ex-husband before he’s elected President.
"A domesticated soldier must rekindle her killer instinct by a suicidal Drill Sergeant in order to assassinate her drug trafficking ex-husband before he?s elected President."I think the wording is weird. "by a suicidal Drill Sergeant" is a bit vague. What must she actually do? Return to boot camp? GRead more
“A domesticated soldier must rekindle her killer instinct by a suicidal Drill Sergeant in order to assassinate her drug trafficking ex-husband before he?s elected President.”
I think the wording is weird. “by a suicidal Drill Sergeant” is a bit vague. What must she actually do? Return to boot camp? Go on a mission?
While the election does bare a resemblance to the situation in the logline, I don’t think it really affects it. After all, the story isn’t about the election, it’s about a woman doing everything she can do stop the election of a criminal.?
See lessI hope this helps.?
From a mostly-automated solar farm orbiting Earth, a programmer with survivalist inclinations once ridiculed by those closest to him strives from afar to save his ex-wife wife and young son from the sudden outbreak of nuclear war.
But what exactly can the kid do? Unless he some kind of amazing hacker or programmer, it's not like the government is just going to give him access to the nukes to stop a threat they that they probably perceive as just a prank, plus he's the son of a joke programmer? ?And then, what's the point? ItRead more
But what exactly can the kid do? Unless he some kind of amazing hacker or programmer, it’s not like the government is just going to give him access to the nukes to stop a threat they that they probably perceive as just a prank, plus he’s the son of a joke programmer? ?And then, what’s the point? It would be harder, and more interesting for the father in space to have to find a way to do whatever it is. And going along with that, if the son on the ground is the protagonist, what’s the point of it even being sci-fi? This solar farm is supposed to be the advanced technology, but if most of the action is on regular old Earth anyway what’s the point?
See lessPersonally, I just don’t see much justification for making the teenager the protagonist. A stronger argument could be made for the mother, but only because it would be plausible for her to have government job having access, and thus being able to work.
Personally, if it were me I would probably make it co-protagonists, a buddy type film with the ex-wife and husband having to work through their differences to work together, one on Earth, the other on the solar farm, each having a specific task that depends on the other.
From a mostly-automated solar farm orbiting Earth, a programmer with survivalist inclinations once ridiculed by those closest to him strives from afar to save his ex-wife wife and young son from the sudden outbreak of nuclear war.
"From a mostly-automated solar farm orbiting Earth, a programmer with survivalist inclinations once ridiculed by those closest to him strives from afar to save his ex-wife wife and young son from the sudden outbreak of nuclear war." What exactly is he doing? "Strives from afar" is not a specific actRead more
“From a mostly-automated solar farm orbiting Earth, a programmer with survivalist inclinations once ridiculed by those closest to him strives from afar to save his ex-wife wife and young son from the sudden outbreak of nuclear war.”
What exactly is he doing? “Strives from afar” is not a specific action. What does “survivalist inclinations” mean? Most people have the inclination to survive. I think, for the purpose of the logline, “autonomous” is sufficient rather than saying the vaguer “mostly-automated”. Try finding a one-word descriptor to replace “once ridiculed by those closest to him”. Saying ‘mocked’ or even just ‘ridiculed’ by itself should be enough.
Perhaps you should re frame the logline to use “sudden outbreak of nuclear war”, which, by the way, you should try to describe better, as the inciting incident.
Here’s my try:?When he discovers plans to cause a nuclear war, a ridiculed programmer must create a program to stop the missiles to save his young son and his mother.?(29)
To me, the fact that he’s in space is the obstacle, not rendering him to a mentor role. He most likely has more limited resources than he would on Earth so it means he has to work harder.
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