Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
After a special forces operative witnesses experiments on soldiers & prisoners, he abandons a promising military career & returns to the quiet life. But when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family, he jumps into the fight to expose the culprits & track down the cure.
Okay, the situation is a little clearer. ?However, ?I still have more questions than answers:1]"government funded plot" -- do you mean to say the contagion was released as a premeditated conspiracy? ?Or was it an accident, an experimental program that ran amuck? ? ?If the former, why would the U.S.Read more
Okay, the situation is a little clearer. ?However, ?I still have more questions than answers:
1]”government funded plot” — do you mean to say the contagion was released as a premeditated conspiracy? ?Or was it an accident, an experimental program that ran amuck? ? ?If the former, why would the U.S. government — any government other than North Korea — intentionally unleash a contagion on the world?
2] I fail to see a sufficient dramatic congruency between the protagonist and the problem. ?By way of clarification through contrast: what if the protagonist were a biologist, a virologist? ?He would have more expertise than a mere investment banker to know how potentially dangerous the program was. ?His premonition is “better qualified”, believable. ?He would have far more justification to feel guilty because he really knows better. ?He might have been directly involved in the program. ?Hence, not only more knowledgeable to speak out, but also in closer proximity and involvement in the program to try to stop it.
But an investment banker? ??He’s a character out of his depth, his field of expertise. I would have no expectation that he would comprehend the full gravity of the program. ?And if you expect an audience to think otherwise, then you’ve got to expend ?dialogue to explain to the audience how he came to know about the program in the 1st place, how he knows enough about the biology to be so concerned. ?Whereas if he’s a biologist or virologist working on the program — all that is explained by his job title.
3] The rule of thumb is that a logline should explicitly state an objective goal, but the subjective need is only implied (usually by the character flaw). ?So it might be better to imply the subjective problem by means a statement of his character flaw — “a guilt-ridden biologist must survive…”
4] If indeed he has a deserved burden of guilt to bear for the epidemic, then the story needs to give the protagonist an opportunity to not just save his own life but redeem himself by saving the lives of others. ?(Unless ?you are proposing a tragedy with no salutary, redemptive denouement for the protagonist.) ?Which a virologist might be able to do. ?But an investment banker? ?What can he do besides wallow in guilt, save his own life while the world goes to hell in a viral holocaust.
So shouldn’t his objective goal be to atone for his complicity by saving mankind — not just himself?
fwiw
See lessAfter a special forces operative witnesses experiments on soldiers & prisoners, he abandons a promising military career & returns to the quiet life. But when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family, he jumps into the fight to expose the culprits & track down the cure.
While the logline has a clear inciting incident, most of the other elements are vaguely described.Like: "DC insider" ?What is that? A politician, a political advisor, a bureaucrat, a lobbyist, a reporter??The logline would benefit by being more specific on the describing the protagonist. ?And what dRead more
While the logline has a clear inciting incident, most of the other elements are vaguely described.
Like: “DC insider” ?What is that? A politician, a political advisor, a bureaucrat, a lobbyist, a reporter??The logline would benefit by being more specific on the describing the protagonist. ?And what does being a “DC insider” versus being a “DC outsider” have to do with his chances of survival? ?What is so special, of dramatic interest, that he operates within the Washington beltway?
And: “Struggling with his humanity…. how far will you go to survive”. ?When the plague breaks out, tens of millions of people will be struggling with their humanity, wrestling with the same general issue of survival. ?What is so special about his struggle that makes it of dramatic interest? ?As a result of the plague, what becomes the protagonist’s specific objective goal? What is his specific game plan to survive?
Finally, while a logline should implicitly raise a dramatic question, it is the convention for a logline to never explicitly state the question.
If you have not done so, please consult the “Training” ?option at the top of the web page for tips on building an industry acceptable logline.
See lessThe Examiner, is a thriller about an emotionally stressed widower and single parent bank examiner, who investigating a multi-billion dollar financial fraud,discover that all clues lead to himself and must find the imposter before a determined anti-fraud unit officer catches up with him.This becomes increasingly difficult because the imposter- happens to be the way ward son he is struggling to control , being forced by an ex-convict bank manager on a revenge course..
When a bank examiner realizes the evidence in the multi-billion dollar fraud case he is investigating?leads to him, he must find the imposter before he is arrested. (24 words)There's no need to ID the antagonist in the logline or his motivation; ?loglines should not contain spoilers. ?That's the mysRead more
When a bank examiner realizes the evidence in the multi-billion dollar fraud case he is investigating?leads to him, he must find the imposter before he is arrested.
(24 words)
There’s no need to ID the antagonist in the logline or his motivation; ?loglines should not contain spoilers. ?That’s the mystery the protagonist has to solve. ??(And probably the more accurate genre description is mystery rather than thriller, ?albeit it’s not in the list.)
See less