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After an immodest teenager gets jilted at the school dance by her boyfriend and then loses the homecoming competition, she stumbles upon family secrets of lies and an unsolved murder mystery that turns her life upside down.
As Beck noted.?? How does being? jilted, etc. lead to the discovery of family secrets?? What is the real inciting incident that leads to the discovery?? If there is no cause-and-effect relationship between the two disappointments in high school, then those events are irrelevant to the logline.>Read more
As Beck noted.?? How does being? jilted, etc. lead to the discovery of family secrets?? What is the real inciting incident that leads to the discovery?? If there is no cause-and-effect relationship between the two disappointments in high school, then those events are irrelevant to the logline.
>>>turns her life upside down.
Vague and it frames her as, once again, the victim of circumstances.? The job of the protagonist is to be proactive.? In this situation, what becomes her objective goal as a result of the discovery?? What MUST she do about the discovery?
See lessAn alter consciously riddled coma patient continues the struggle for his life and identity when he startles into traumatic recovery in search of a mysterious girl with an image
"Alter consciously riddled"? ???? What does that mean?"A mysterious girl with an image".? ???The logline is confusing.? I have no clear idea what the story is about.Nor what the stakes are.? Stakes as in: So what if he doesn't find the mysterious girl?? What does he stand to lose, how will he sufferRead more
“Alter consciously riddled”? ???? What does that mean?
“A mysterious girl with an image”.? ???
The logline is confusing.? I have no clear idea what the story is about.
Nor what the stakes are.? Stakes as in: So what if he doesn’t find the mysterious girl?? What does he stand to lose, how will he suffer if he fails?? And why should an audience care whether he finds her or not?
See lessWhen an explorer’s ancient necklace is stolen, she must retrieve it before it is used for evil.
As mikepedley 85 said:? what is so magical about the necklace?? And who stole it?? In "Raiders of the Lost Ark" the power of Ark of the Covenant to destroy armies is part of the legend.? And the villains who want to aquire the Ark to exploit that power are Nazis.? So the stakes are self-evident andRead more
As mikepedley 85 said:? what is so magical about the necklace?? And who stole it?? In “Raiders of the Lost Ark” the power of Ark of the Covenant to destroy armies is part of the legend.? And the villains who want to aquire the Ark to exploit that power are Nazis.? So the stakes are self-evident and ultra-high and Indiana Jones is highly motivated.
See less