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A highly-principled, sentient robot must abet a dishonest, wannabe entrepreneur and win over his robot-hating landlady to avoid being recycled.
I suggest this needs clarification.? The dramatic problem needs a tighter focus. If the robot abets the entrepreneur,? but doesn't win over the landlady, will he be recycled?? Or if he wins over the landlady but fails to abet the entrepreneur, will he be recycled?? What I see is a logline giving theRead more
I suggest this needs clarification.? The dramatic problem needs a tighter focus.
If the robot abets the entrepreneur,? but doesn’t win over the landlady, will he be recycled?? Or if he wins over the landlady but fails to abet the entrepreneur, will he be recycled?? What I see is a logline giving the robot 2 dramatic problems.
The outcome of which problem ultimately decides the fate of the robot?
Whichever one it is should the impetus for the objective goal that constitutes the plot described in the logline.? The other one is a complication in a subplot that need not be mentioned in the logline because loglines are only about the primary plot, not subplots.
Also I think “abet” needs to be made more concrete, more particular.? The dishonesty is an ongoing problem, right?? Well, why must the robot act now?? ?What specific deed must the robot encourage the entrepreneur to do?
fwiw
See lessAfter allied bombing accidentally destroys her safehouse, a jew joins the dutch resistance, only to face a series of deception
Now that I have actually viewed the movie, here is my amended logline (version 2.0).After the Nazis kill her family while trying to flee Holland, a Jewish singer joins the resistance and infiltrates the German high command to collect vital military intelligence. ( 28 words)The accidental bombing ofRead more
Now that I have actually viewed the movie, here is my amended logline (version 2.0).
After the Nazis kill her family while trying to flee Holland, a Jewish singer joins the resistance and infiltrates the German high command to collect vital military intelligence.
( 28 words)
The accidental bombing of the house where she has been hiding out is what I call the Point of Attack, the 1st significant conflict in the story.? ?Usually, it’s dramatic significance is that it dramatizes what’s wrong with the status quo as far as the protagonist is concerned.? And that is certainly the case here.? She’s hiding from the Nazis and caught in the cross-fire as the Allies liberate the continent.
But as dramatic as that scene is, it is not the inciting incident.? Why?? Because it does not motivate her to join the resistance.? Only after the Nazis ambush and kill her family while they are trying to flee Holland, does she join the resistance.? Now she’s motivated:? she’s getting involved not just out of a sense of patriotic duty but because it’s personal.? It’s her way of avenging the death of her family.
A good inciting incident hooks into something personal in the mind, the life of the protagonist that compels her to respond, to do something radically different, something she would have never dared do before the incident. It’s an opportunity, a call to action disguised as a personal problem or, in this case, a personal tragedy.
See lessAn opinionated former cult-member must convince his equally-opinionated family to leave the same cult before they commit the ultimate sacrifice – themselves. TITLE: Born to Die
>>>Can he be a member tooI think this would be an interesting choice, if:1] The protagonist is in a subordinate position within the pecking order of the cult hierarchy.? (Cults are very hierarchical.)? Like? if he is a son in the family he's trying to rescue because, per the 5th commandmentRead more
>>>Can he be a member too
I think this would be an interesting choice, if:
1] The protagonist is in a subordinate position within the pecking order of the cult hierarchy.? (Cults are very hierarchical.)? Like? if he is a son in the family he’s trying to rescue because, per the 5th commandment, children are supposed to “honor” (Translation:? “Don’t argue, do as your told.”)
2] Even better make the protagonist the daughter in the family.? Which places her even lower down in the pecking order, essentially powerless because not only is she under the proscription of the 5th commandment, but cults are also patriarchal regimes where women are supposed to keep silent and submit to the authority of men (1 Timothy 2:11-12).? (Translation:? “Who? asked your opinion?? Shut the f**k up and do as you’re told!”)
So she’s not just persuading — she’s rebelling.? Which amplifies? tension and conflict.
But if you want to keep the protagonist in the role of an ex-cult member, then as a female she would have an even harder task because of the fact that women don’t get no respect.
fwiw
See less