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  1. Posted: April 5, 2018In: Examples

    After allied bombing accidentally destroys her safehouse, a jew joins the dutch resistance, only to face a series of deception

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 7, 2018 at 8:16 am

    The logline? fails to? explicitly supply the protagonist with an objective goal. I haven't seen the film (yet).? But gleaning from the IMBD summary and reviews, how about something like:After Allied bombing forces her to come out of hiding, a Jewish woman joins the Dutch resistance and weaves a webRead more

    The logline? fails to? explicitly supply the protagonist with an objective goal. I haven’t seen the film (yet).? But gleaning from the IMBD summary and reviews, how about something like:

    After Allied bombing forces her to come out of hiding, a Jewish woman joins the Dutch resistance and weaves a web of deception to infiltrate the German high command and collect vital military?intelligence.
    (34 words)

    Longish,? but it establishes a clearer cause and effect relationship between the bombing and the resulting action.

    Or maybe;

    After Allied bombing forces her to come out of hiding, a Jewish woman joins the Dutch resistance and infiltrates the German high command to collect vital military?intelligence.
    (26 words)

    Obviously, she would have use deception and trickery to infiltrate.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: April 7, 2018In: Fantasy

    After her big crush reveals himself as a werewolf, a vampire girl must find a way around her orthodox family to get together

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 7, 2018 at 7:39 am

    If you're going? to play the Jewish schtick... When an ultra-orthodox vampire falls in love with a worldly, reformed werewolf,? she must convince her traditional family to accept him. (21 words) fwiw

    If you’re going? to play the Jewish schtick…

    When an ultra-orthodox vampire falls in love with a worldly, reformed werewolf,? she must convince her traditional family to accept him.
    (21 words)

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: April 7, 2018In: Fantasy

    A sleepaholic student from Los Angeles is determined to find the girl in his dreams, eventually leading him to a spiritual world called soul space, an intermediate dimension which exists between heaven and hell

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 7, 2018 at 6:26 am

    >>>what if the inciting incident is a major twist?Very good question.? If it's a major twist then it may be a good candidate for a story? hook, something that captures reader interest, makes them want to read the script.And logines are sales pitches -- not teasers.? So never withhold or burRead more

    >>>what if the inciting incident is a major twist?

    Very good question.? If it’s a major twist then it may be a good candidate for a story? hook, something that captures reader interest, makes them want to read the script.

    And logines are sales pitches — not teasers.? So never withhold or bury a story hook.

    Major twists that occur in the 1st Act should be in the logline.? Major twists that occur at the end of Act 2 or in Act 3 should never be in a logline. — that would constitute a spoiler.

    Another variation:? the twist can be ironical:? something the audience knows about but the protagonist? discovers much later.? Such is the case with the logline I posted for the movie “The Bank Job”.? The audience is in on the story twist from the start, that the motley crew has been set up.? ?But only at the midpoint, after pulling off the heist, do they discover they’ve been set up.

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