1. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    A self-centered, up-and-coming actor is about to have his once-in-a-lifetime ?big break? meeting with a control-freak star-director but his neurotic casual-girlfriend reveals that she?s pregnant, unplanned, certain he?s the father, potentially bringing everything he?s worked for crashing down, causing him to morally juggle his priorities.

    dpg Singularity

    Yes, the logline is too long.Still, I think there's a? kernel of a story here.? But I see it differently than how it is framed in the logline.? I think his subjective need is not to "morally juggle his priorities".? His subjective need is to overcome his character flaw , his egocentricity; he needsRead more

    Yes, the logline is too long.

    Still, I think there’s a? kernel of a story here.? But I see it differently than how it is framed in the logline.? I think his subjective need is not to “morally juggle his priorities”.? His subjective need is to overcome his character flaw , his egocentricity; he needs to? man up and assume the responsibilities, embrace the opportunities of fatherhood.

    But in loglines, the focus is on struggles for objective goals, not struggles with subjective problems.? And that is what the logline lacks.? Given his predicament, what is his objective goal?

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  2. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    A sleepaholic student from Los Angeles is determined to find the girl in his dreams, eventually leading him to a spiritual world called soul space, an intermediate dimension which exists between heaven and hell

    dpg Singularity

    >> she intentionally...In other words,? she provides the inciting incident.? That should be part of the logline, that her inexplicable and persistent manifestation in of his dreams triggers his quest to find her in his waking life.Also, the setting, Los Angeles, is? not necessary in the loglinRead more

    >> she intentionally…

    In other words,? she provides the inciting incident.? That should be part of the logline, that her inexplicable and persistent manifestation in of his dreams triggers his quest to find her in his waking life.

    Also, the setting, Los Angeles, is? not necessary in the logline.??

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  3. Posted: April 6, 2018In:

    Logline: A total womanizer transforms his female best friend from clinger to player, finds himself attracted to his new creation but has taught her a little too well.

    dpg Singularity

    Very good points by candersonm.The plot seems to be a variant of the ancient myth of Pygmalion. (A good modern example is the musical? "My Fair Lady" inspired by the play "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw).The standard way it plays out is through ironic reversal whereby the "creator" falls in loveRead more

    Very good points by candersonm.

    The plot seems to be a variant of the ancient myth of Pygmalion. (A good modern example is the musical? “My Fair Lady” inspired by the play “Pygmalion” by George Bernard Shaw).

    The standard way it plays out is through ironic reversal whereby the “creator” falls in love with his “creation”.? But he is too successful in molding her in the image of his idea of an ideal woman.? He loses control of and is bested by his “creation”.

    “…finds himself attracted to his new creation but has taught her a little too well.”? seems generic and vague.? Exactly how has he taught her all too well?? I seems to me the story needs a? unique angle, a specific fresh take and? a specific new and interesting way she has bested him.

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