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  1. Posted: April 8, 2016In: Adventure

    Stranded in the middle of Peru, a travel writer and an archeologist find themselves caught in a race against a familiar foe for an enchanted artifact (and maybe even falling for each other along the way.)

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 8, 2016 at 9:45 pm

    >>a travel writer and an archeologistIt's usually better to designated one protagonist.? Having dual protagonists implies that the story is heavily reliant on the relationship, the chemistry that already exists or will develop between the 2 characters.? In any case, a logline, particularly inRead more

    >>a travel writer and an archeologist

    It’s usually better to designated one protagonist.? Having dual protagonists implies that the story is heavily reliant on the relationship, the chemistry that already exists or will develop between the 2 characters.? In any case, a logline, particularly in this genre, is not about the relationship, it’s about the call to adventure, the objective goal of the protagonist.? So…

    >>>(and maybe even falling for each other along the way.)

    should be left out.

    >>find themselves caught in a race

    Passive and reactive.? The story?is driving the character, when the character should be driving the story.? A logline is about an inciting incident( a discovery or?a situation that upsets the status quo, in this case “being stranded in the middle of Peru”) that motivates the?protagonist to?proactively pursue an objective goal.? In this case?the enchanted artifact.

    >>against a familiar foe

    Vague.? Be specific.? Characterize the antagonist in a way that conveys the sense that he or she represents a clear, credible and present threat, someone who can defeat the ambitions of the protagonist.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: April 6, 2016In: Thriller

    When his mentor, a terrorist in disguise set’s him up with a bomb in a train terror attack, a Norwegian dropout, must evacuate the potential victims which will be killed in his name before the bomb kills them all.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 8, 2016 at 7:55 am

    Mentor for what?? Political terrorism? Religious indoctrination?? That needs to be clarified.And my previous reservations stand. And how can the young man be accused of terrorism? before the terrorist act has happened?

    Mentor for what?? Political terrorism? Religious indoctrination?? That needs to be clarified.

    And my previous reservations stand.

    And how can the young man be accused of terrorism? before the terrorist act has happened?

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  3. Posted: April 6, 2016In: Noir

    A serial killer taxi driver takes revenge on behalf of victimised passengers while trying to avoid detection.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 8, 2016 at 6:02 am

    Still prefer the story told w/ the cop or detective as the protagonist?or at least as a co-protagonist.?Because a complicating moral factor for him could be that he knows, from their prior arrests, that it's "street justice", all the victims have it coming to them. ?The serial killer is not killingRead more

    Still prefer the story told w/ the cop or detective as the protagonist?or at least as a co-protagonist.?Because a complicating moral factor for him could be that he knows, from their prior arrests, that it’s “street justice”, all the victims have it coming to them. ?The serial killer is not killing innocent people. ?But it’s his job to find and stop him because the killer is acting outside the law, as a vigilante.

    And then there’s the priest. ?Surely he would do more than just listen to the confessions; he would/should ?want to do something proactive outside the confessional (without violating his vows of confidentiality although that vow should be pushed to the limit) ?to get the serial killer to stop, to turn himself in.

    IOW: ?I see several angles of moral complexity, a triangulation of 3 story threads that could make for a very interesting story: ?the serial killer, the cop, the priest.

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