1. Posted: March 18, 2016In:

    When a woman with incorruptible morals is targeted as an employee by gangsters her honesty and integrity are challenged when her beloved employees pull off the crime of the century.

    dpg Singularity

    I think this concept has potential for plenty of comedy -- and it would also work as a straight drama -- but I suggest??it needs to be more specific.So, for example: When gangsters?kidnap a? bank teller's children because they think she has electronically looted their Swiss banks accounts, she has 4Read more

    I think this concept has potential for plenty of comedy — and it would also work as a straight drama — but I suggest??it needs to be more specific.

    So, for example:
    When gangsters?kidnap a? bank teller’s children because they think she has electronically looted their Swiss banks accounts, she has 48 hours to find the real culprits and?return the money to save her children’s lives.
    (35 words)

    Notes:
    In this version finding out?that?the culprits are ?her colleagues would be the Big Reveal.? And a good one for the story, but in my judgment, not necessary for the logline.

    That’s she’s of impeachable morale rectitude is also a good story element, but in the interest of brevity, I deem it?optional ?for a logline.? The hook of the story is not her?impeachable character but that she’s an innocent and utterly clueless person? who becomes the gangsters prime suspect.

    And I added the ticking clock because that always amps up urgency, dramatic tension.

    Anyway, I think the concept has legs.?Run with it.? Best wishes.

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  2. Posted: March 23, 2016In:

    After she barely survives a suicide attempt, a teenager, believing death is the best solution, records her experiences on her transformative journey to reclaim her life.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    One other thought.I?queried the loglines posted here with suicide as a dramatic element, came up with 38 hits.? It seems to be a?popular story element.So I?perceive a possible problem of product differentiation.? That is, what does this story have to say about suicide that hasn't already been said??Read more

    One other thought.

    I?queried the loglines posted here with suicide as a dramatic element, came up with 38 hits.? It seems to be a?popular story element.

    So I?perceive a possible problem of product differentiation.? That is, what does this story have to say about suicide that hasn’t already been said?? Possibly over and over?? What makes?this story?stand out from the 37 other loglines with a suicidal element?

    ?Is there?some new?fresh?(and compassionate) insight into the “transformative journey” out of the dark abyss?into the light?

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: March 22, 2016In:

    In the spirit of Christmas Eve, an officer lets a drag queen go free. But when the decapitated body turns up in a dumpster, he must find the murderer to clear his name and conscience.

    dpg Singularity

    You're the man, Tony!Here's my tweak:A guilt ridden jailer breaks all the rules to find the?killer of a transsexual Hollywood prostitute he set free. or A guilt ridden jailer breaks all the rules to find the killer of a transsexual prostitute he set free from a L.A. jail on Christmas Eve.Jailer becaRead more

    You’re the man, Tony!

    Here’s my tweak:

    A guilt ridden jailer breaks all the rules to find the?killer of a transsexual Hollywood prostitute he set free.
    or
    A guilt ridden jailer breaks all the rules to find the killer of a transsexual prostitute he set free from a L.A. jail on Christmas Eve.

    Jailer because that’s what I was and that’s the “what if….” hook? (maybe)

    And I offer this as an example of the valuable service this web site provides, a fresh point of view when one?gets??so down in the weeds?of his story that?he’s loses sight of?the big picture.? It certainly?happened to me on this story.

    Thanks, Tony.? I owe you one… or two… or three.

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