1. Posted: February 4, 2016In:

    After winning the trials, a fiery adolescent girl is prized with becoming the body of a coldhearted AI.

    dpg Singularity

    There may be a germ of a great story here, but?I can't?locate it with certainty; ?this logline totally mystifies me.? I have no idea what the plot is supposed to be.? "Winning the trials" -- what trials? "Is prized" -- what is that supposed to mean?? It?isn't even correct English. The story seems toRead more

    There may be a germ of a great story here, but?I can’t?locate it with certainty; ?this logline totally mystifies me.? I have no idea what the plot is supposed to be.? “Winning the trials” — what trials? “Is prized” — what is that supposed to mean?? It?isn’t even correct English.

    The story seems to be about a girl who for one reason or another, by one means or another,? whose own consciousness/cognition is swapped out for?that of an?AI.? If that is so, it sets up a potentially interesting story.? But what is the plot that follows?? What becomes the dramatic question? as a result of the swap?

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: February 3, 2016In:

    A tenacious art forgery expert, is dragged back in time when her brother?s diary reveals the location of stolen diamonds in a heist masterminded by her father.

    dpg Singularity

    CraigDGriffiths confusion is understandable.?? Also, while a story may include flashbacks, a logline should focus on the forward movement of the story in time.? Even when the story is about coming to some reckoning?with an unpleasant past, it is done by means of action in the present tense toward aRead more

    CraigDGriffiths confusion is understandable.?? Also, while a story may include flashbacks, a logline should focus on the forward movement of the story in time.? Even when the story is about coming to some reckoning?with an unpleasant past, it is done by means of action in the present tense toward a future objective goal.

    King Oedipus is “dragged back in time” to? reckon with his past, but that is not his dramatic purpose, his objective goal.? His objective goal is find out?the crime — who did what?– that has so?offend ?the gods that they have cursed the city of Thebes with the plague.

    So if it?is?not the case that the woman’s intentional objective goal is to be dragged back into the past, then what is it going forward?? What does she want to do, what must she do as a result of the information revealed in her brother’s diary?

    And what are the stakes for her?? And who opposes her effort? Is there competition — a villainous rival also seeking the stolen diamonds? (If not, why not?)

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: February 2, 2016In:

    A drunk, homeless, hopeless man wanders around the streets of Los Angeles, California. One day, he catches a beautiful homeless woman buying food for her son with the only $5 she receives from a little boy. The homeless man is inspired by this act and starts building a hot chocolate station with the few dollars he obtains in one day to people in the cold. He sells hundreds of hot chocolates until Summer comes. The man must make lemonade but there are no lemons in Los Angeles. He can’t afford a plane and doesn’t have a car.

    dpg Singularity

    How is it possible that there?can be?plenty of chocolate in L.A. for the man to use? when cocoa is not grown in L.A. or the USA?-- but there are?no lemons which used to be grown in abundance in the area and? can still?be found in many residential backyards (like the one where I used to live)?? The pRead more

    How is it possible that there?can be?plenty of chocolate in L.A. for the man to use? when cocoa is not grown in L.A. or the USA?– but there are?no lemons which used to be grown in abundance in the area and? can still?be found in many residential backyards (like the one where I used to live)?? The premise just?doesn’t seem believable.? Or am I missing something?

    See less
    • 0