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London freezes and collapses into ruin; the few who survive find a trail leading them to corruption on the highest scale: The disaster didn?t kill them, but what they find just might.
>>London freezes and collapses into ruin London freezes over as in the city is buried in another Ice Age? If that is the case, so would the rest of Britain, most of Europe probably. And other populated areas of the globe. If that is the case for this story, the Ice Age setting completely overwhelmsRead more
>>London freezes and collapses into ruin
London freezes over as in the city is buried in another Ice Age? If that is the case, so would the rest of Britain, most of Europe probably. And other populated areas of the globe. If that is the case for this story, the Ice Age setting completely overwhelms the premise of the logline. Wouldn’t the more urgent problem be mere survival — who cares about corruption?
And who is the main character, the leader of the “few who survive”?
The logline raises more questions in my mind than answers to the basis questions a logline should answer. I am confused.
See lessWhen a jealous mother asks her 10 years old geek son to spy on his father,he finds him dating his new teacher and decides to break up the relationship by foiling their every move to save his family from disintegrating.
When a boy discovers the father he idolizes is having an affair with his favorite teacher, he plots to break it up in a way that saves his parent's marriage and his teacher's job. (34 words) Notes: I don't see that it's essential to the logline to give his age. "Boy" suggests he's young, a preteen,Read more
When a boy discovers the father he idolizes is having an affair with his favorite teacher, he plots to break it up in a way that saves his parent’s marriage and his teacher’s job. (34 words)
Notes:
I don’t see that it’s essential to the logline to give his age. “Boy” suggests he’s young, a preteen, good enough.
Nor do I think that the teacher being “new” essential to the logline; it seems to me to be extraneous to both the logline and the story. I suggest that it would be better to say the teacher is the boy’s “favorite”. Combined with a father whom he idolizes it would maximize the emotional shock and dilemma the boy faces when he discovers the affair. It would intensify the difficulty of his task; his objective goal is an [unrealistic] two-fer.
fwiw.
See lessA woman whose mother was murdered when she was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, working as a detective and still pursuing her mother's killer, who, it turns out, is closer than she thinks.
>>This is the inciting incident for her to look for the murderer of the current victim, But why wouldn't she investigate the current murder anyway even if none of the clues matched? Isn't that her job -- to solve murders? If she's the sole homicide detective in the department, then it's her job to iRead more
>>This is the inciting incident for her to look for the murderer of the current victim,
But why wouldn’t she investigate the current murder anyway even if none of the clues matched? Isn’t that her job — to solve murders?
If she’s the sole homicide detective in the department, then it’s her job to investigate any murder that happens — she has no choice. And if she’s one of several homicide detectives, her supervisor would assign the case — that’s SOP– so again she would have no choice.
However, if she asks for the case to be re-assigned to her after realizing the coincidence of circumstances, then it might qualify as the inciting incident. And the coincidence would add psychological overtones as she has to revisit the traumatic memories of her mother’s murder. Especially if she witnessed her mother’s murder. Did she witness her mother’s murder?
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