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When a young woman foresees her community?s catastrophic doom, she must choose between keeping a solemn promise – and telling the life-saving truth.
Vague and lacks a clear compelling action line. It seems that she comes to a revelation around the turn of Act 1 -- and then refuses to share it because of some "solemn promise". For the entire 2nd Act she does... nothing. Except, as far as I can discern, wobble in indecision. How exciting is indeciRead more
Vague and lacks a clear compelling action line. It seems that she comes to a revelation around the turn of Act 1 — and then refuses to share it because of some “solemn promise”. For the entire 2nd Act she does… nothing. Except, as far as I can discern, wobble in indecision. How exciting is indecision to watch?
Whatever the nature of the “solemn promise” is, as a dramatic character she needs to commit to a course of action as a result of her revelation. She needs to strive toward an objective goal — not evade or waffle on one. It may be the wrong goal, but a dramatic goal must arise as a result of her revelation? What is that dramatic goal? What dramatic question does it raise?
See lessAfter gaining superpowers, a group of clumsy and incompetent young adults set out to become the world?s first supervillains, but must first gain control over their city from the corrupt, but powerful superheroes who protect it.
Let me see if I can unpack the concept. Stripped of superfluous words, the concept seems to boil down to: After gaining superpowers, a group of clumsy young adults set out to become supervillians by seizing control of the city from the corrupt superheroes who protect it. (27 words) I see 2 major proRead more
Let me see if I can unpack the concept. Stripped of superfluous words, the concept seems to boil down to:
After gaining superpowers, a group of clumsy young adults set out to become supervillians by seizing control of the city from the corrupt superheroes who protect it. (27 words)
I see 2 major problems with this logline (and the original). First of all, how can the young adults become the world’s “first supervillians” when in the universe of the story the putative “superheroes” are corrupt– in effect, they are already supervillains?
Well, the ready explanation seems to be that that is the end of Act 2 Big Reveal; the main characters discover that the superheroes are corrupt, are actually the world’s first supervillains that the main characters aspire to be.
But a logline shouldn’t give away the Big Reveal. And since the story is, I presume, told (primarily)from the POV of the wannabe supervillains, it’s sufficient to frame the logline likewise. The objective goal of young adults is to be supervillains by overthrowing the superheroes.
The other problem I see is that the logline requires an ensemble cast of two sets of superstars– supervillains and superheroes. That makes the script harder to sell because it raises production costs; the story requires multiple major roles.
And it makes it harder to sell the script because it offends egos; major talent does not like to share top billing; they are not motivated to attach themselves to a script where they are only one among several equals.
But aren’t there ensemble casts featuring major talent for a lot of super hero movies? Yes, and as far as I know, all of them come pre-tested, pre-sold in the graphic novel market. Has your collection of wannabe supervillains and putative superheroes been tested and proven to be money making winners in the market of graphic novels?
IMHO, it would be better marketing to pare the concept down to one wannabe super villain against one putative super hero. So here’s my repacking of the concept:
After gaining superpowers, a klutzy young man (or woman) sets out to become a supervillain by overthrowing the super hero who protects the city. (24 words)
fwiw
See lessWhen he learns that his partner has a borderline personality disorder a depressed guy uses unconventional methods to fix a relationship disrupted by a cloud of mental illness.
Actually border line personality disorder (BPS) is a specific and clinically recognized disorder. But not one likely to be familiar to many people who read the logline. Which means it is likely that many people won't grasp the character flaw /relationship problem of the story. I concur with Nir ShelRead more
Actually border line personality disorder (BPS) is a specific and clinically recognized disorder. But not one likely to be familiar to many people who read the logline. Which means it is likely that many people won’t grasp the character flaw /relationship problem of the story.
I concur with Nir Shelter that the logline doesn’t state a specific goal. “Unconventional methods to fix a relationship” is vague.
My sense of the logline is that the MC’ with one mental health problem –depression — assays to treat a character with a another mental health problem. But I have no sense of what the actual plot is. What is the MC’s specific objective goal? What’s at stake? What does he stand to gain if he succeeds, lose if he fails? Who/what opposes his effort?
And what about his own depression? Isn’t that also a stake issue? (Although, realistically, treating the other character’s problems won’t alleviate his depression.)
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