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  1. Posted: August 8, 2015In: Public

    After a homeless young man, who thinks he brings a misfortune whenever he is, meets his idol and becomes a member of a group with super-powered people, called Core-holders, he starts thinking that this is turnaround in his life. Its awesome, its everything he ever wanted and? Core-holders start mysteriously dying. Of course.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 11, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    >>there is no short way to describe what Core-holders are That's a potentially fatal problem with your concept. Core-holders are central to your story. Anyone who reads your logline needs to be able to understand what differentiates them from the crowd of other characters in other films with ultra oRead more

    >>there is no short way to describe what Core-holders are

    That’s a potentially fatal problem with your concept. Core-holders are central to your story. Anyone who reads your logline needs to be able to understand what differentiates them from the crowd of other characters in other films with ultra or super powers.

    Since I, for one, have no clear idea what they are either, I am at a loss as to what to suggest. Other than, first and foremost, come up with a sharply focused and succinct definition of what a Core-holder is/does.

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  2. Posted: August 8, 2015In: Public

    "When an upper-class rebel is suddenly disinherited by his fed-up father, he struggles to win his father?s approval in order to have his inheritance restored, but his plans derail when he is forcibly drafted to fight in the second US civil war."

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 9, 2015 at 11:07 pm

    I think that a 2nd US civil war could make for a compelling circumstance for a plot. The circumstance would have to be a major driver in the plot. But in this scenario, in the grander context of a 2nd civil war tearing the nation apart -- the death, the suffering, the destruction, the chaos -- an upRead more

    I think that a 2nd US civil war could make for a compelling circumstance for a plot. The circumstance would have to be a major driver in the plot.

    But in this scenario, in the grander context of a 2nd civil war tearing the nation apart — the death, the suffering, the destruction, the chaos — an upper class rebel’s struggle to regain his dad’s favor and inheritance doesn’t amount to a hill of beans. It’s selfish and materialistic. Who cares if he succeeds or not?

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  3. Posted: August 8, 2015In: Public

    "When an upper-class rebel is suddenly disinherited by his fed-up father, he struggles to win his father?s approval in order to have his inheritance restored, but his plans derail when he is forcibly drafted to fight in the second US civil war."

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 9, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    The hook of the story is the 2nd civil war. The rest of the story seems incidental, almost a distraction. I suggest focusing on the 2nd civil war and how he gets swept up in it.

    The hook of the story is the 2nd civil war. The rest of the story seems incidental, almost a distraction. I suggest focusing on the 2nd civil war and how he gets swept up in it.

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