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When a former priest on death row breaks out of prison, all he wants is a fresh start, but his serial-killer split personality only makes it harder for him to evade the FBI? and the lethal injection.
If the defining characteristic and flaw of the protagonist is a split personality, then that flaw has to be the major plot driver, the major source of dramatic tension. What's the dramatic tension in wanting to buy a house and how does that relate to his flaw?
If the defining characteristic and flaw of the protagonist is a split personality, then that flaw has to be the major plot driver, the major source of dramatic tension. What’s the dramatic tension in wanting to buy a house and how does that relate to his flaw?
See lessAfter a homeless young man, who thinks he brings a misfortune whenever he is, meets his idol and becomes a member of a group with super-powered people, called Core-holders, he starts thinking that this is turnaround in his life. Its awesome, its everything he ever wanted and? Core-holders start mysteriously dying. Of course.
What's the super power? Who is his idol and what is the connection with Core-holders? Is his idol one of the Core-holders? And homeless how? Runaway, kicked out of house, refugee?
What’s the super power?
Who is his idol and what is the connection with Core-holders? Is his idol one of the Core-holders?
And homeless how? Runaway, kicked out of house, refugee?
See lessSuper star Organized Crime Prosecutor Alan Bell is exposed to toxic chemicals and forced to live near death, in a bubble for eight agonizing years. Upon emerging from his self imposed prison, Alan has acquired a ?sixth sense?, which he uses to take down over two hundred corporate polluters, finally avenging his exposure to lethal elements that had placed him on deaths doorstep.
>>>Super star Organized Crime Prosecutor Alan Bell is exposed to toxic chemicals and forced to live near death, in a bubble for eight agonizing years. Upon emerging from his self imposed prison, Alan has acquired a sixth sense? These 38 words out of a total of 63 -- 60% of the logline ---constitutesRead more
>>>Super star Organized Crime Prosecutor Alan Bell is exposed to toxic chemicals and forced to live near death, in a bubble for eight agonizing years. Upon emerging from his self imposed prison, Alan has acquired a sixth sense?
These 38 words out of a total of 63 — 60% of the logline —constitutes the back story and setup for the whatever the plot is supposed to be. Way too many words for the logline as a whole and especially for the setup.
Although I sympathize with the writer who is attempting to boot up a new super hero (and a franchise?) and that is always tricky in defining what the defining super power is and how it was acquired. But the back story setting up his super power is confusing. First the logline says he’s forced to live imprisoned in a toxic environment and then it says it’s self-imposed. Well, which is it? Voluntary or involuntary?
And what is the nature of his toxically induced “6th sense”? What is so special about it that enables him to take on the polluters who misdeeds (ironically) gave him the gift of this 6th sense? What makes his super power/6th sense so unique? What is differentiates him from the crowd of super heroes?
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