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When a self-centered youth's family is captured by an invading army, he trains as a knight before setting out to rescue them. As the kingdom teeters on the brink of collapse, the fate of both his family and kingdom depend upon a single decision. (Improved – hopefully)
Of course, there has to be a climactic battle scene with a cast of thousands and lots of CGI eye candy. If the 2nd Act is mostly training for the big battle scene, then the training must put his life is in serial jeopardy. He must survive a gauntlet of tests where there are high stakes in failing. LRead more
Of course, there has to be a climactic battle scene with a cast of thousands and lots of CGI eye candy.
If the 2nd Act is mostly training for the big battle scene, then the training must put his life is in serial jeopardy. He must survive a gauntlet of tests where there are high stakes in failing. Like death. And each test should be more difficult — escalating tension and suspense.
See lessA young woman struggles to survive when a creature from Guaran? legend is unleashed on a rural Louisiana town.
"A fiery young novelist" - Adjectives to describe a protagonist should directly relate to the problem at hand. What does "fiery" have to do with being able to survive the monster? Does "fiery'' make her a stronger or weaker person in dealing with the monster? If the answer is neither, than that partRead more
“A fiery young novelist” – Adjectives to describe a protagonist should directly relate to the problem at hand. What does “fiery” have to do with being able to survive the monster? Does “fiery” make her a stronger or weaker person in dealing with the monster? If the answer is neither, than that particular adjective is superfluous to the logline.
Whatever adjective used to describe her preferably should indicate a character flaw, a personal issue that puts her in even greater jeopardy in relation to the creature — to wit, increases suspense, dramatic tension.
“is unleashed by the paramilitary group ” — passive, intransitive. Action should be described with active, transitive verbs. So ” when a paramilitary group unleashes a monstrous creature…”
“ends up fighting for her life “. Is anyone else’s life also at stake. It’s always a stronger logline if a protagonist is fighting for a cause greater than herself , or stake characters besides herself. Strongest if fighting for both.
And wouldn’t her objective goal be to not merely survive, but kill the monster?
See lessWhen a self-centered youth's family is captured by an invading army, he trains as a knight before setting out to rescue them. As the kingdom teeters on the brink of collapse, the fate of both his family and kingdom depend upon a single decision. (Improved – hopefully)
I agree with Nir Shelter. It's a story plus to have a compelling dilemma. But while the dilemma may be a high point of the story in terms of dramatic tension, it's a relatively small part of the story in terms of the page/screen time. A logline should sell the sizzle of the overall journey, not a siRead more
I agree with Nir Shelter. It’s a story plus to have a compelling dilemma. But while the dilemma may be a high point of the story in terms of dramatic tension, it’s a relatively small part of the story in terms of the page/screen time. A logline should sell the sizzle of the overall journey, not a single moment.
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