1. Posted: April 8, 2015In:

    At a popular theme park the new dancer/actor must try to survive and find the killer when employees begin to disappear and die before she becomes their next victim.

    dpg Singularity

    Good suggestions by Richiev and Nir Shelter, but if she's unpopular how would she have a best friend in the theme park? It seems to me that being unpopular, particularly if she's a newbie, entails having no friends. Which is more likely to make her the prime suspect. Particularly if the mysterious mRead more

    Good suggestions by Richiev and Nir Shelter, but if she’s unpopular how would she have a best friend in the theme park? It seems to me that being unpopular, particularly if she’s a newbie, entails having no friends.

    Which is more likely to make her the prime suspect. Particularly if the mysterious murders commenced after she was hired. And evidence is planted that implicates her. So:

    When an unpopular dancer is framed as the prime suspect for a series of vicious murders at a theme park, she must find the real murderer to prove her innocence.

    (And, of course, in the process of solving the murderers, she puts herself in jeopardy of becoming a victim herself.)

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  2. Posted: April 8, 2015In:

    While a group of older teens are on a camping trip secretly building an unregistered ship,their planet is attacked and destroyed those not killed were taken.The teens have to rescue their families/friends.

    dpg Singularity

    Good questions. George Lucas had already broken into show business, had a film resume (THX-1138, American Graffiti) and contacts all over Tinseltown by the time he began pitching his Star Wars epic. And it was different era back in 1977; the theatrical production pipeline wasn't clogged with sci-fi/Read more

    Good questions. George Lucas had already broken into show business, had a film resume (THX-1138, American Graffiti) and contacts all over Tinseltown by the time he began pitching his Star Wars epic. And it was different era back in 1977; the theatrical production pipeline wasn’t clogged with sci-fi/ super-hero movies as it is today.

    The biggest problem facing anyone writing a logline for an original sci-fi script is that the script is about a world that only exists in the mind of the writer. How is it possible to invoke a vision of that world in the mind of a reader in 30 words or less? Well, it isn’t possible.

    Also, sci-fi films usually rely on a lot of CGI special effects; your logline suggests there will be a lot of CGI eye candy–action scenes and props. CGI technology is awesome now– and very expensive. So the industry favors proven story lines and familiar characters from established franchises or popular sci-fi books or graphic novels to improve the odds of getting a return on the very substantial investment required.

    How does an original sci-fi story line compete for mind-space in such a market? I don’t know, except to suggest that more than ever before a sci-fi spec script has to have an irresistible hook, a unique twist. I suggest the question to ask is: What is the irresistible hook in this story or unique twist that makes it stand out from the competition, all the franchises and all other original spec scripts clamoring for eye-time and mind-space? Try to build a logline around the answer to that question.

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  3. Posted: April 8, 2015In:

    At a popular theme park, a new dancer/actor secretly experiences grief and rivalry from the other females in the show as she tries to fit in as the new girl, and survive as slowly employees are disappearing and no one knows why.

    dpg Singularity

    "grief and rivalry from the other females as she tries to fit in" = "unpopular", lopping off 11 words from the logline. That's she unpopular implies she's not fitting in and suffering emotionally.

    “grief and rivalry from the other females as she tries to fit in” = “unpopular”, lopping off 11 words from the logline. That’s she unpopular implies she’s not fitting in and suffering emotionally.

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