1. Posted: December 18, 2013In:

    A Boston girl wanting to find her own accepts a teaching job in Idaho. After an intense need for her Principal to keep up with the mental and physical well being of a young student the teacher lets loose her curiosity and finds herself in a middle of a family break down. She must find a way to stay sane in the mix of extreme delusions and self realization that is threatening to tear one family apart.

    dpg Singularity

    A logline should be about one specific goal that the protagonist needs to pursue. But this logline seems to present three goals: 1] "wanting to find her own"; 2]"Intense need... lets loose her curiosity"; 3]"must find a way to stay sane". And only the first one is proactive, one primarily of the proRead more

    A logline should be about one specific goal that the protagonist needs to pursue. But this logline seems to present three goals: 1] “wanting to find her own”; 2]”Intense need… lets loose her curiosity”; 3]”must find a way to stay sane”.

    And only the first one is proactive, one primarily of the protagonist’s choosing; the other two are reactive, in responses to the needs of other characters. And even though it may be proactive, the first goal is vague: what does “wanting to find her own” mean?

    And why would another person’s delusions challenge the teacher’s sanity? (And I was unaware that “self-realization” was a psychological problem. I always thought it was a benign level near the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.)

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: December 18, 2013In:

    In dystopian future governed by a biotechnology corporation, a young woman?s investigation into her father?s sudden disappearance leads her to believe he is a test-subject in a secret government location called ?The Factory?. When she finds herself with a group of prisoners on a vehicle heading towards an unknown location, she realizes she is on her way to The Factory and must find her father and escape before they are changed forever.

    dpg Singularity

    Stories about bioengineering have a good future in Sci-Fi in movies. But the problem for me in this logline is that It conceals more than it reveals. Of course, a logline isn't supposed to bare all -- certainly not how the story ends, but we do need enough tantalizing details to get our attention, gRead more

    Stories about bioengineering have a good future in Sci-Fi in movies. But the problem for me in this logline is that It conceals more than it reveals.

    Of course, a logline isn’t supposed to bare all — certainly not how the story ends, but we do need enough tantalizing details to get our attention, get us wanting to know more. In the case of this logline, what I think we need to know more about is the nature of the threat. What does the big bad corporation intend to do to the father and daughter that will change them forever?

    Also, the logline seems long on discoveries the daughter makes but short on what she does about them (“Investigation… leads her to believe”, “…finds herself…”, “…she realizes”). A logline is about ONE major discovery the protagonist makes, a discovery that triggers her into action toward a SPECIFIC objective goal.

    So what is the ONE discovery, the most important discovery the daughter makes that triggers the action that constitutes the plot?

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: December 18, 2013In:

    An ex-marine turned assassin, reconsiders his occupation when he finds out he has a sister: A detective that's hot on his trail.

    dpg Singularity

    The logline sets up a premise with some interesting dilemmas for both the pursuer and the pursued. But I have been "reconsidering" the phrase "reconsiders his occupation" ever since I first read the logline. Which means I have been doing nothing. My point is: "reconsider" seems rather vague and indeRead more

    The logline sets up a premise with some interesting dilemmas for both the pursuer and the pursued. But I have been “reconsidering” the phrase “reconsiders his occupation” ever since I first read the logline. Which means I have been doing nothing.

    My point is: “reconsider” seems rather vague and indeterminate. And “reconsiders” is a thinking process, but loglines are not about thinking; they are about doing. So what I’m looking for in this logline is what the protagonist does after he discovers the detective is his sister. What becomes his specific objective goal as a result of the discovery?

    See less
    • 0