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  1. Posted: November 25, 2013In: Public

    When a brain injury puts a surefire pro football prospect's institutional loyalty into question, he must rediscover himself and rise to protect his teammates from a ruthless coaching staff.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 28, 2013 at 1:11 am

    As usual, Richiev rises to the challenge with a pithy logline, one that focus on, imho, the more serious, hence more dramatically compelling injury. My gutless instinct tells me that the story might be better served by focusing upon, building upon, intensifying the dilemma for the protagonist createRead more

    As usual, Richiev rises to the challenge with a pithy logline, one that focus on, imho, the more serious, hence more dramatically compelling injury.

    My gutless instinct tells me that the story might be better served by focusing upon, building upon, intensifying the dilemma for the protagonist created by the brain injury. That is, the more he plays after the injury has been diagnosed, the more he puts him at risk of additional blows that will exacerbate his condition.

    My gutless instinct also tells me that the broken leg injury might work better if that befalls a teammate . My reasoning is that if the protagonist’s goal is to protect his team mates than the audience needs scenes to show WHY he has that goal: to wit, other players are being hobbled, even taken out for the season, with injuries.

    And my gutless instinct tells me the leg injury — or something similar– would work best if it befalls a team mate with whom the protagonist forms a strong emotional investment — a bond of friendship that extends beyond the gladiatorial arena — er, football field.

    IOW: a stake character. A stake character is a fellow victim, a character other than the protagonist who has a lot to gain or lose in the protagonist’s struggle. [See “The Hunger Games”, the emotional bond that develops between Katniss and Rue — it’s more than just a expedient alliance for survival.]

    And a stake character can also represent the plight of a whole group of victims, in this case the entire team. Other team mates suffer, too, but the stake character can focus and intensify the suffering in a way that more directly and immediately motivates the protagonist.

    fwiw.

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  2. Posted: November 25, 2013In: Public

    When a brain injury puts a surefire pro football prospect's institutional loyalty into question, he must rediscover himself and rise to protect his teammates from a ruthless coaching staff.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 27, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Also, how is the coach the villain, the one responsible for the brain injury when (American) football by its very nature is a violent contact sport? How do you propose to lay the blame on the coach (and his staff) when a high risk of injury is intrinsic to the way the game is played? (According to NRead more

    Also, how is the coach the villain, the one responsible for the brain injury when (American) football by its very nature is a violent contact sport? How do you propose to lay the blame on the coach (and his staff) when a high risk of injury is intrinsic to the way the game is played? (According to NFL statistics, the average length of a career is only 6 years)

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  3. Posted: November 25, 2013In: Public

    When a brain injury puts a surefire pro football prospect's institutional loyalty into question, he must rediscover himself and rise to protect his teammates from a ruthless coaching staff.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 27, 2013 at 11:10 am

    I am confused about the distinction between the 2 injuries. What's the difference between the one at the end of Act 1 and "his true injury" that commences Act 3? And what is his objective goal at the beginning of Act 2? A "Love interest, education, re-entry into athletics" seem to entail 3 separateRead more

    I am confused about the distinction between the 2 injuries. What’s the difference between the one at the end of Act 1 and “his true injury” that commences Act 3?

    And what is his objective goal at the beginning of Act 2? A “Love interest, education, re-entry into athletics” seem to entail 3 separate goals. What is the ONE objective goal he wants to accomplish that is the dramatic spine for the rest of the story?

    Also shouldn’t Act 3 showdown be with the coach himself, not his staff?

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