What attracts me to the story is the dilemma implicit in the situation, the dilemma too many aspiring athletes face, to wit: the terrible trade off between short term glory and and long term mental and physical decrepitude — the steep price that must be paid to become a professional.

However, the logline fails to address this directly. Obviously, the injury puts into dramatic question all of his dreams and aspirations to become a pro football player. (That was why he played football, that was his original objective goal, wasn’t it?) But what becomes of his objective goal after the injury? What is his new objective goal for himself, for the rest of his life — the rest of the story? The logline doesn’t really say.

“Rediscover himself”? What does that mean? It seems to me to be rather vague and more of a subjective need rather than an objective goal. “Rise to protect his teammates from a ruthless coaching staff” seems to be his post-trauma objective goal, but I suggest it needs a tighter focus, to be more concrete. Specifically, it needs to focus on the antagonist. “A ruthless coaching staff” is not the primary antagonist. The primary antagonist is the ruthless leader of the coaching staff: the head coach.