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  1. Posted: November 17, 2013In: Public

    To overthrow the manipulative authorities of year 2086, a man genetically designed to teach the values of the regime decides to fight his mental programming, team up with outlaws and free a people brainwashed by a corrupt government

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 22, 2013 at 3:11 am

    It's your story but I suggest you burrow deeper into the kernel of your concept , the key factor on which the entire story turns: genetic engineering, ergo, genetics. Would it not be the case that genetic engineering is complicated, particularly engineering designed to manage something even more comRead more

    It’s your story but I suggest you burrow deeper into the kernel of your concept , the key factor on which the entire story turns: genetic engineering, ergo, genetics.

    Would it not be the case that genetic engineering is complicated, particularly engineering designed to manage something even more complicated than genes: human consciousness? And no production process is perfect. What are the chances of a rare production “flaw” that results in humans who start thinking for themselves — hence, rebel.

    Another possibility arises from the fact that genes are always evolving via mutation. What if your protagonist is the product of one of those mutations? A mutation that enables him upon reaching maturity to start thinking for himself?

    (Either way, could not the flaw, a mutation also be how all the other rebels came to exist? Defective products who slipped through quality control?)

    Seeing or hearing about the death of his boyhood friend is a great triggering event.. What if it triggers the “flaw” in his genetic code to start expressing itself? He starts questioning, having doubts, start thinking for himself?

    Whatever, I sympathize with your task. A story in the sci-fi genre is a tough one to condense into a logline because it entails a world that only exists in your mind. Best wishes.

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  2. Posted: November 21, 2013In: Public

    After a devastating solar storm, a gold reserve manager and his family must escape the city and collapse of society, unknowingly hunted by a ruthless clan-leader looking for gold.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 22, 2013 at 2:34 am

    >>the clan leader catches up forcing the protagonist to help him get the gold Okay, but why would he need the banker's help to do that? Again, why can't the clan-leader just take advantage of the chaos and breakdown of law and order to break into and loot the storage vaults himself? Also the pRead more

    >>the clan leader catches up forcing the protagonist to help him get the gold

    Okay, but why would he need the banker’s help to do that? Again, why can’t the clan-leader just take advantage of the chaos and breakdown of law and order to break into and loot the storage vaults himself?

    Also the plot seems to fall into the genre of a heist story. In a heist story, the MacGuffin, the object everyone wants — in this case, the gold — is ultimately only a means to an end, to something more important for the both the protagonist AND the antagonist. There is always something more at stake than merely acquiring the coveted object. What is that ‘something’ in this story? What are the stakes?

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  3. Posted: November 17, 2013In: Public

    To overthrow the manipulative authorities of year 2086, a man genetically designed to teach the values of the regime decides to fight his mental programming, team up with outlaws and free a people brainwashed by a corrupt government

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 21, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    Why does it take genetic engineering to become a teacher that can indoctrinate the masses? And if the bad guys can do that, why would they stop there? Why wouldn't they go furhter and genetically engineer the entire population to be compliant? End of problem, right? And obviously, the genetic engineRead more

    Why does it take genetic engineering to become a teacher that can indoctrinate the masses? And if the bad guys can do that, why would they stop there? Why wouldn’t they go furhter and genetically engineer the entire population to be compliant? End of problem, right?

    And obviously, the genetic engineering is a failure if it leaves him with sufficient free will and cognition to question and rebel against all the ideological crap they’ve pumped into his head.

    Because of of my own too-considerable experience with cult brainwashing and mass delusion, I’m intrigued by the kernel of the concept. But, alas, I personally find the inciting incident for his “awakening”, that “he gets a glimpse of the cruelty going on beyond the polished surface of the regime”, to be rather facile and superficial. Buying into the premise of a sci-fi movie requires a suspension of disbelief. My disbelief is not yet suspended.

    As I said, I’m intrigued by the kernel of the concept and I hope you will continue to follow it down the rabbit hole and explore the Wonderland of paradox, riddle and delusion.

    fwiw.

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