1. Posted: August 7, 2020In:

    After a family friend of her dies unexpectedly of cancer, a nanny’s life goes on a downward spiral struggles with alcoholism while raising a young girl whom she adopted.

    dpg Singularity

    As Richiev said. It's not clear what the plot is. Also, it goes without saying that a character's life changes forever during course of a film story. So it need not be said in a logline--it's a hackneyed cliche. Loglines are about *how* a character's life changes, not that it changes.

    As Richiev said. It’s not clear what the plot is.

    Also, it goes without saying that a character’s life changes forever during course of a film story. So it need not be said in a logline–it’s a hackneyed cliche. Loglines are about *how* a character’s life changes, not that it changes.

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  2. Posted: August 7, 2020In:

    After being disgracefully fired for cheating from his billion-dollar startup, penniless maverick joins his ex-girlfriend’s bankrupt company to regain his lost glory

    dpg Singularity

    The logline is tagged as a "Coming of Age" genre. How does it qualify as a coming of age story? How old is he? "To regain his lost glory": Why will an audience empathize with and root for a character who seeks to re-inflate his own sense of himself? Suggest the story be framed as a redemption storyRead more

    The logline is tagged as a “Coming of Age” genre. How does it qualify as a coming of age story? How old is he?

    “To regain his lost glory”: Why will an audience empathize with and root for a character who seeks to re-inflate his own sense of himself? Suggest the story be framed as a redemption story — not as an ego salvage operation.

    Whatever, loglines are about plots, and plots are about the pursuit of a specific objective goal, not the satisfaction of a subjective need. Rocky Balboa does not accept the challenge to fight the champ so he can “find his center”. Whatever he discovers about himself is an unintended, collateral consequence of his pursuit of the objective goal, to fight the champ.

    So what is your protagonist’s objective goal? He joins his ex’s business — then what? What is his *specific* business plan for rescuing the business?

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  3. Posted: August 5, 2020In:

    When her brother suddenly dies, an anxiety prone sister is forced to hatch an elaborate scheme to conceal the tragedy from her suspicious mother who stops at nothing to unravel the truth.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    Vivien: After posting last night I recalled the experience of a friend whose parents immigrated from Korea. She wrote a comedy centered around a thoroughly modern Korean girl dealing with parents set in their "old country" ways. She pitched the story broadly, but only got responses to read the scripRead more

    Vivien:

    After posting last night I recalled the experience of a friend whose parents immigrated from Korea. She wrote a comedy centered around a thoroughly modern Korean girl dealing with parents set in their “old country” ways.

    She pitched the story broadly, but only got responses to read the script from a couple of producers who were interested in producing films about the Korean experience in the United States.

    The reason I mention this is that “Asian” is a broad term. It refers to over 2 billion people from a very diverse range of ethnic groups. Producers want to know and need to know exactly what Asian group the script is about. So I suggest that if you stick with a story about Vietnam-Americans, then say so in the logline.

    And I hope you stay true to your original vision. There is now more recognition of ethnic diversity in the US, more openness to stories that are different from the bland, white bread stereotypical family portrayed in US films in decades past. Stories that nonetheless reflect universal values. (I say this as a hopelessly bland, stale white bread kind of American.)

    Best wishes with your writing.

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