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When her brother suddenly dies, an anxiety prone sister is forced to hatch an elaborate scheme to conceal the tragedy from her suspicious mother who stops at nothing to unravel the truth.
P.S. Maybe something like: A loving daughter hatches a scheme to hide the death of her brother, her Asian mom's favorite, only to become ensnared in more and more lies as the increasingly anxious mother relentlessly searches for him. 35 words -- 3 words longer than your version. I inserted "Asian" tRead more
P.S. Maybe something like:
A loving daughter hatches a scheme to hide the death of her brother, her Asian mom’s favorite, only to become ensnared in more and more lies as the increasingly anxious mother relentlessly searches for him.
35 words — 3 words longer than your version. I inserted “Asian” to signal a context that lends credibility and weight to the daughter’s dramatic choice. It also signals that the film may play well in Asian markets, a not insubstantial factor in getting movies greenlit these days. Should you be more specific? Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Indian or…? Your story, your call.
fwiw
See lessWhen her brother suddenly dies, an anxiety prone sister is forced to hatch an elaborate scheme to conceal the tragedy from her suspicious mother who stops at nothing to unravel the truth.
"The Farewell" is a wonderful film. I haven't seen "Since Otar Left", but your idea seems to be a Hollyweird adaptation. Well, adapting story lines from non-American films is a common practice, particularly if the original was a commercial success. And I assume you are of Asian descent so you are atRead more
“The Farewell” is a wonderful film. I haven’t seen “Since Otar Left”, but your idea seems to be a Hollyweird adaptation. Well, adapting story lines from non-American films is a common practice, particularly if the original was a commercial success.
And I assume you are of Asian descent so you are attuned to the ethnic nuances.
One suggestion I would make is to strike the word “forced”. A bit strong, it seems to me. Nobody forces her to deceive the mother. It’s a choice she makes–she owns it. (And I would imagine that in the long run, it turns out not to be the wisest choice.)
Also would it be more accurate to say the mother is in pursuit of an answer to the mystery of his disappearance? She doesn’t know that she’s being lied to, right? So technically speaking she’s not knowingly in pursuit of the truth the daughter is withholding. I mean if I truly believed the earth was flat, I wouldn’t be in pursuit of the truth that it’s actually round. I would only be seeking an answer to the mystery of why, no matter how far I travel, I never reach the edge.
See lessWhen her brother suddenly dies, an anxiety prone sister is forced to hatch an elaborate scheme to conceal the tragedy from her suspicious mother who stops at nothing to unravel the truth.
Who is the protagonist, the sister or the mother? Who is the pov character? Is there anything about the tragedy that intensifies the need for the sister to cover up the death? Like the son died while doing something that will bring shame and disgrace upon the family.
Who is the protagonist, the sister or the mother? Who is the pov character?
Is there anything about the tragedy that intensifies the need for the sister to cover up the death? Like the son died while doing something that will bring shame and disgrace upon the family.
See less