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  1. Posted: May 20, 2017In: Student Loglines

    After serving in the military for a few years, s/he has to confront the family they left behind. But when they come back the family is gone, without a trace.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 21, 2017 at 1:33 am

    Who is "s/he"? ?Does this logline propose dual protagonists? ? And if so, why two, instead of one? ?And are they both related to the same family? ?Or different families? Also the objective goal is not directly to "confront the family they left behind". ?That may be their initial expectation, but thaRead more

    Who is “s/he”? ?Does this logline propose dual protagonists? ? And if so, why two, instead of one? ?And are they both related to the same family? ?Or different families?

    Also the objective goal is not directly to “confront the family they left behind”. ?That may be their initial expectation, but that changes because of the inciting incident: ?they return to find that the family has returned without a trace. ?Surely, the objective goal is to find the missing family (from whom they are also alienated).

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: May 21, 2017In: Sports

    A team full of talented people lose to a below average team due to teamwork, so they hire the other teams coach.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 21, 2017 at 1:24 am

    What's the sport? ?And what's at stake? ?Why should we in the audience care whether or not they win? And it's not at all unusual to hire away a winning coach from another team. ?That's standard operating procedure in the business of sports. ?So what's your hook in this story? ?What makes it stand ouRead more

    What’s the sport? ?And what’s at stake? ?Why should we in the audience care whether or not they win?

    And it’s not at all unusual to hire away a winning coach from another team. ?That’s standard operating procedure in the business of sports. ?So what’s your hook in this story? ?What makes it stand out as different? What is the unique twist?

    And who is the specific (protagonist?) who does the hiring? Or is this an ensemble story? ?If so, how big is the cast of major characters?

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  3. Posted: May 20, 2017In: Student Loglines

    A man has to kill to reset time, or else his child and wife will die. The problem is he is locked in a mental institution

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 21, 2017 at 1:19 am

    The dilemma seems contrived. ?Well, aren't all plots? ?But it seems contrived in that we are supposed to suspend disbelief and accept a world where killing can reset time. ?From whence comes this magical power? ?And to what worthy end? ?What's the theme you wish to explore with this dilemma, anyway?Read more

    The dilemma seems contrived. ?Well, aren’t all plots? ?But it seems contrived in that we are supposed to suspend disbelief and accept a world where killing can reset time. ?From whence comes this magical power? ?And to what worthy end? ?What’s the theme you wish to explore with this dilemma, anyway?

    Further, there seems to be a missing link in the chain logic of the premise. ?That is, there is no logical, causal?connection between resetting time and saving the life of his child and wife. ?We have no idea why merely resetting time will save their lives. ?Particularly when they are still alive. ?How will resetting time to the past save their lives in the future?

    If I can get past all the logical pot holes, then the solution to his dilemma is simple: he ?can kill himself, sacrifice his life for the sake of his family, which is socially acceptable and morally redeeming act. Your logine only says he has to kill — it doesn’t stipulate that he has to kill someone else.

    fwiw

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