1. Posted: October 5, 2016In:

    A single mother wakes up one morning having forgotten the past 16 years and the circumstances of her husband’s disappearance. While she tries to find him, a vengeful cop implicates her for a murder.

    dpg Singularity

    FYI, it facilitates responding if the thread of reviews is kept under one posting. ?You can edit an original logline. ?Unfortunately it's not intuitively obvious how. ? Hover your pointer in the lower right hand corner below the bottom border for the logline, below the words "Classics" and "Users" pRead more

    FYI, it facilitates responding if the thread of reviews is kept under one posting. ?You can edit an original logline. ?Unfortunately it’s not intuitively obvious how. ? Hover your pointer in the lower right hand corner below the bottom border for the logline, below the words “Classics” and “Users” per the illustration.
    [img]https://loglines.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/LoglineIT-edit.png[/img]

    Now then, as to the logline, I ran it through my own template of questions and here is what I came up with:?????????

    What is the hook?
    IMHO this is the most important question. A badly written logline with a great hook can be fixed much more easily than a well written logline with a weak hook.

    The hook for me in this story is a woman is accused of a murdering a man she has no memory of because she suffers from amnesia.? I’m guessing that’s what the set up is leading to but it needs to be stated more clearly.? She’s not just accused of a murder, she’s accused of murdering someone she has no recollection of. Who, specifically? A man? A woman? A child? Her husband??
    Who is the protagonist?
    Is it the middle aged mother or the teenage son?? The mother has the dramatic problem but ?could the burden of proving her innocence fall upon her son? ?What’s your purpose of including him in the logline, anyway?

    And at that point, I felt no need to continue further until it’s clarified who is the designated protagonist. ?Or ought to be. ?I nominate the teenage son to be the the protagonist. Who do you intend to be the protagonist, the character who carries the primary responsibility for the objective goal? ?And why?

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  2. Posted: October 4, 2016In:

    Imprisoned by a madman a teen must argue her survive twelve times in a game where the loser of each round is murdered

    dpg Singularity

    >>>must argue her survive twelve times(???) Needs rewording>>>in a gameWhat kind of game? ?How does it differ from the "Hunger Games" which is the first association anyone reading the logline is likely to have? ?I sense this is the story hook, but I don't have a clear idea what theRead more

    >>>must argue her survive twelve times

    (???) Needs rewording

    >>>in a game

    What kind of game? ?How does it differ from the “Hunger Games” which is the first association anyone reading the logline is likely to have? ?I sense this is the story hook, but I don’t have a clear idea what the hook is.

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  3. Posted: October 4, 2016In:

    An amnesiac woman and her son reconstruct the past 15 years of her life, unaware of a murder investigation closing in on her.

    dpg Singularity

    The logline sets up an interesting situation for a plot, but, unfortunately, it does not lay out a complete plot. Obviously the murder investigators will end up on her doorstep. And that is probably the inciting incident, the event that kicks off the plot. ?The logline should be restructured to begiRead more

    The logline sets up an interesting situation for a plot, but, unfortunately, it does not lay out a complete plot.

    Obviously the murder investigators will end up on her doorstep. And that is probably the inciting incident, the event that kicks off the plot. ?The logline should be restructured to begin with the inciting incident and then state what she must do, what becomes her objective goal, as a consequence.

    I suggest checking out “Training” at the top of the web page for guidelines Karel Segers has provided on how to structure the required elements for an industry standard logline.

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