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After being imprisoned for a crime she didn’t commit, a young Christian Performer struggles against self doubt to find a way to use music to unite the prisoners and prove that God is her redeemer.
It's a potentially interesting story on a religious theme, but for the purpose of a logline you need to focus on her most important ?dramatic problem, the central conflict that motivates her objective goal.So what is her ?most important ?dramatic problem? ?Is it: #1-Self-doubt #2-the need to unite pRead more
It’s a potentially interesting story on a religious theme, but for the purpose of a logline you need to focus on her most important ?dramatic problem, the central conflict that motivates her objective goal.
So what is her ?most important ?dramatic problem? ?Is it:
#1-Self-doubt
#2-the need to unite prisoners through music
#3-prove to them that God is her redeemer.
And as a result of the ONE most important dramatic problem what becomes her ONE objective goal?
What is the nature of her self-doubt? ?About her own faith, her own salvation? ?Or her ability to witness to and convert others?
I’m not sure how #2 works out dramatically. ?And what’s at stake if she fails. ? And I don’t understand why she must prove to someone else that God is her redeemer.?Isn’t faith the assurance of things hoped for — not the assurance in the belief other people hold? ?
Nor do I apprehend what is at stake for her if she fails. ?She’s not damned just because she can’t convince others of her own spiritual conviction, right? ?So what’s at stake?
Also why can’t she be guilty of what she’s sentenced for? ?This would enable a character arc of moral redemption. ? As it is, the logline seems to?set up??a character whose problem is more about other people than ?about herself, her own desperate need to redeem herself.
fwiw
See lessIn a world twisted by the DNA Wars a young warrior must learn to control her changing mutation while surviving the monsters of her nightmares as she tries to reach the free city.
The logline has the raw material for an interesting story, but I'm not clear as to what is going on, what the action throughline of the story is. ?What's going on, a war between ?opposing armies of ?genetically engineered mutant warriors? ? And is this as much as as scifi story as a fantasy? In a loRead more
The logline has the raw material for an interesting story, but I’m not clear as to what is going on, what the action throughline of the story is. ?What’s going on, a war between ?opposing armies of ?genetically engineered mutant warriors? ? And is this as much as as scifi story as a fantasy?
In a logline it’s better to focus on the central concept, the one Big Idea of the story. What is it in this story? ?What is her singular, overarching objective goal given that she’s a mutant warrior? ?And what is specific? inciting incident that triggers her struggle for that objective goal?
See lessA good father and respected police officer is prisoned after he accidentally shot a young child, who was in the driving away robber?s car. He is trying to get his life back with a support of citizens of his city.
Of course, guilty officers should be held accountable. ?But innocent cops, just trying to do their job with decency and fairness, ?(and they do exist, lots of them) ?should not be condemned or punished for the crimes of the bad ones.In the current climate in the US in regards to law enforcement, theRead more
Of course, guilty officers should be held accountable. ?But innocent cops, just trying to do their job with decency and fairness, ?(and they do exist, lots of them) ?should not be condemned or punished for the crimes of the bad ones.
In the current climate in the US in regards to law enforcement, the story in the logline swims against the tide of popular perceptions and opinion. ?That’s what good drama should dare to do.
Just saying.
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