1. Posted: August 10, 2016In:

    Revised Logline…A young, bot obsessed girl, from an Australian/ Muslim family is a finalist for a Robotics Competition, but when her volatile, dysfunctional family smash her robot, she must rebuild it and her family to compete in a game that will put her to the ultimate test.

    dpg Singularity

    This has the basic ingredients for an interesting story.However, rather than a freak accident, I suggest it would be more dramatically compelling if the destruction is intentional, deliberate by a family member who opposes her Westernized ways and aspirations. ?There is -- or ought to be-- a culturaRead more

    This has the basic ingredients for an interesting story.

    However, rather than a freak accident, I suggest it would be more dramatically compelling if the destruction is intentional, deliberate by a family member who opposes her Westernized ways and aspirations. ?There is — or ought to be– a cultural conflict of values, customs and identity going on in the family.?

    She may think it’s an accident only to find out it was intentional.

    If that’s the way you’ve already framed the story, that she initially thinks it’s a freak accident (Act 1) only to discover later that it was deliberately destroyed (end of Act 2 reveal), I would still include it in the logline as an intentional act, not an accident.??Why?

    Because it seems to me the cultural conflict is really the sizzle ?– or ought to be. ?It’s the plus factor that sells the story. ?It’s what sets it apart, distinguishes from other stories about tech-savvy girls who aspire to a technical education.?

    The objective goal is to win the scholarship, but it seems to me that’s not the sizzle. ?The sizzle is the ?conflict between tradition and modernity going on within the family as they struggle to adapt to their adopted country.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: August 10, 2016In:

    When a hunting trip in the Highlands of Iceland goes horribly wrong a disabled teenager must rely on her inner strength and local know-how to survive the merciless elements and save her mortaly wounded hunting guide father from the clutches of his deranged foreign client.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    >>must rely on her inner strength and local know-how That goes without saying. ?It's what every survival story demands of the protagonist. ?So it need not be stated in a logline. Can you be more specific about the disability? ?What is the teenager's handicap that ups the ante, increases the riRead more

    >>must rely on her inner strength and local know-how

    That goes without saying. ?It’s what every survival story demands of the protagonist. ?So it need not be stated in a logline.

    Can you be more specific about the disability? ?What is the teenager’s handicap that ups the ante, increases the risk, diminishes his prospects for survival?

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  3. Posted: August 9, 2016In:

    A young man named Abdelhafid who suffers from personality disorder starts a show where he will go on exposing a woman who cheated on her husband , but after one of his personalities expose the case , another personality takes over and starts its own show where they expose the other shows

    dpg Singularity

    There is no need to user proper name in a logline. ?The preferred practice is to describe distinctive character traits not character names. >>>exposing a woman who cheated on her husband , That's it? ?Only one? ?And then the show has finished its run? >>the other shows. What are the oRead more

    There is no need to user proper name in a logline. ?The preferred practice is to describe distinctive character traits not character names.

    >>>exposing a woman who cheated on her husband ,

    That’s it? ?Only one? ?And then the show has finished its run?

    >>the other shows.

    What are the other shows? ?And so what? ?That is, what are the stakes, the blow back, the consequences for “exposing them”? ?What does the character stand to gain or lose?

    The logline reads like a gag — split personalities — in search of a plot. ?The split personality gag has been fodder for many comedy films — but within the framework of a plot. ?I just don’t see what the plot framework is for this one.

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