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Struggling to rise up after a traumatic injury, a man becomes a firefighter. Hindered by extreme medical issues from the incident, he fights for both his job and a woman across the country.
>>The vision loss does not occur until halfway through his fire career.Oh. The logline misleads on that point. ?It says "after a traumatic injury...".If that injury occurs 1/2 through the story, then it doesn't seem to be the inciting incident. ?Rather, it's a complication.In 25 word or less:Read more
>>The vision loss does not occur until halfway through his fire career.
Oh. The logline misleads on that point. ?It says “after a traumatic injury…”.
If that injury occurs 1/2 through the story, then it doesn’t seem to be the inciting incident. ?Rather, it’s a complication.
In 25 word or less:
What is the inciting incident in the story?
As a causal consequence of that incident, what becomes his objective goal?
Note: loglines are about the “A'” story, not the “B” story. ?So the relationship with the woman is extraneous, unnecessary.
(And in drama, a protagonist doesn’t get to have the best of both worlds, the “A” story and the “B” story. Inevitably, he will be trapped between the horns of a dilemma where he must sacrifice one to obtain the other.)
See lessStruggling to rise up after a traumatic injury, a man becomes a firefighter. Hindered by extreme medical issues from the incident, he fights for both his job and a woman across the country.
Vision loss, extreme migraines -- and yet he passes the physical??? Is this for a series or a feature film? ?Either way, the "A" story, the bulk of the plot would be about his firefighting, wouldn't it? ?The relationship would be the subordinate "B" story? ?So what's the "A" story? ?What's the 2nd ARead more
Vision loss, extreme migraines — and yet he passes the physical???
Is this for a series or a feature film? ?Either way, the “A” story, the bulk of the plot would be about his firefighting, wouldn’t it? ?The relationship would be the subordinate “B” story? ?So what’s the “A” story? ?What’s the 2nd Act?
See lessA grandfather (That dies) and his two granddaughters are stranded on an island for seven years. When the girls finally figure out how to get off the island, they find out the world is not civilized anymore because Sasquatches have taken over the city and possible the world. Please let me know your feedback. Thank you!
I find the struggle for the granddaughters to survive for 7 years ?on an isolated island (a la the Tom Hanks character in "Cast Away") -- they do have to struggle, don't they, it's not an idyllic vacation? -- and then figuring out how to get off the island a more interesting dramatic problem than thRead more
I find the struggle for the granddaughters to survive for 7 years ?on an isolated island (a la the Tom Hanks character in “Cast Away”) — they do have to struggle, don’t they, it’s not an idyllic vacation? — and then figuring out how to get off the island a more interesting dramatic problem than the contrived and improbable dramatic problem of battling Sasquatches.
Not to mention, the logline entails 2 separate stories. ?And fails to tell what becomes their objective goal once they do realize Sasquatches are taking over.
What is this story really, really about? ?Surviving as castaways or battling Sasquatches? ?Pick one. ?And if you want to do the Sasquatches, then for the sake of dramatic tension, it makes more dramatic sense for them to be on the mainland from the git go, from the rise of the Sasquatches.
Which brings up a product differentiation issue. ?The concept of ?Sasquatches taking over is similar to the “Planet of the Apes” franchise. ?Too similar. ?What makes the rise of the Sasquatches unique, sufficiently different from the “Apes” franchise to which it will inevitably be compared?
I mean as comedy, a parody of the “Planet of the Apes”, this might work. But if it’s meant to be a serious SciFi drama, I dunno.
fwiw
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