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  1. Posted: June 25, 2016In: Comedy

    (REVISED) When a single-minded entrepreneur conducts an unauthorised trial of a ?telepathic phone? in a small town and accidentally transmits a virus that makes everyone lose self-control, she must find a cure with the help of the only uninfected person – a technophobic hippy.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 28, 2016 at 8:39 am

    I don't see why a protagonist can't be the source of the inciting incident as long ?the "Doh!" moment is caused by his own ?character flaw. ?Instead of describing the protagonist in this logline as "single-minded", ?I would also describe him as "reckless". ? There is definitely a causal relationshipRead more

    I don’t see why a protagonist can’t be the source of the inciting incident as long ?the “Doh!” moment is caused by his own ?character flaw. ?Instead of describing the protagonist in this logline as “single-minded”, ?I would also describe him as “reckless”. ? There is definitely a causal relationship between his character and the dramatic problem.

    However, when the character flaw is so obviously the cause of dramatic problem, as in this instance, it can become a problem making the protagonist a sympathetic or likable character. ?In this case, I may be more inclined to root for the uninfected person, not only to solve the dramatic problem but also pop the balloon of the protagonist’s ego in the process, cut him down to size for the “dramatic sin” of hubris in the form of recklessness and single-mindedness. ?

    To wit, ?the uninfected person ?becomes the pivotal character — because the protagonist needs him to clean up the mess he created. ?He becomes life-saving hero of the story.

    Hmm. ?Maybe the plot and logline should be re-engineered to make the uninfected person the protagonist.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: June 27, 2016In: Drama

    When his abusive stepfather tortures him for wrecking his Harley Davidson, a boy enlists in a underground fight club to toughen up and confront him.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 28, 2016 at 1:19 am

    Actually,?I think?the Harley is an important detail. ?Harleys have a cult status; it's a motorcycle that many bikers don't just own, they fiercely identify with. ? I've never seen a man with a tattoo for a Suzuki or a Honda or a BMW, ?but if I've seen one, I've seen hundreds of men proudly branded wRead more

    Actually,?I think?the Harley is an important detail. ?Harleys have a cult status; it’s a motorcycle that many bikers don’t just own, they fiercely identify with. ? I’ve never seen a man with a tattoo for a Suzuki or a Honda or a BMW, ?but if I’ve seen one, I’ve seen hundreds of men proudly branded with Harley-Davidson logo tattoos. ?Women, too.

    I suggest inserting the word beloved as in “wrecking his beloved Harley-Davidson motorcycle”.

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  3. Posted: June 27, 2016In: Drama

    A once successful landowner with picture perfect family, suddenly finds himself at the mercy of his arch-rival, forcing him to juggle single fatherhood with reclaiming his livelihood and dignity.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 28, 2016 at 1:05 am

    As the others have said. ?I don't understand it either in terms of plot and stakes.

    As the others have said. ?I don’t understand it either in terms of plot and stakes.

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