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On the run from a Yakuza enforcer, a young Londoner would rather die than be captured but the enforcer is under oath to kill himself if he fails.
To me, the initial logline still has two issues: 1) how and when does the Yakuza enforcer decide he's failed 2) the Young Londoner simply has to hide out until the Yakuza enforcer decides he's failed and kills himself Of course, you can easily remedy this by giving the Yakuza enforcer a way of trackRead more
To me, the initial logline still has two issues:
1) how and when does the Yakuza enforcer decide he’s failed
2) the Young Londoner simply has to hide out until the Yakuza enforcer decides he’s failed and kills himself
Of course, you can easily remedy this by giving the Yakuza enforcer a way of tracking the Young Londoner so that it’s impossible for him to escape…
See lessOn the run from a determined street enforcer, a young Londoner will do anything and everything to avoid capture but the enforcer has pledged to kill himself in the event of failure.
Don't know if this has been mentioned because I haven't read all the comments, but two issues strike me about your logline: 1) how and when does the assassin decide he's failed 2) the Young Londoner simply has to hide out and wait for the assassin to kill himself
Don’t know if this has been mentioned because I haven’t read all the comments, but two issues strike me about your logline:
1) how and when does the assassin decide he’s failed
See less2) the Young Londoner simply has to hide out and wait for the assassin to kill himself
A mother and daughter find themselves stranded in the middle of the night on an abandoned road. Deep in the surrounding woods a nightmarish terror stalks them, and they must find the courage to face the beast or be destroyed by it.
A logline has to be active and tell us about the story, so who is the main character, what is their problem, and what do they have to do to solve that problem? "After being stranded on an abandoned road in the middle of the night, an estranged mother must save her daughter when an ancient evil withRead more
A logline has to be active and tell us about the story, so who is the main character, what is their problem, and what do they have to do to solve that problem?
“After being stranded on an abandoned road in the middle of the night, an estranged mother must save her daughter when an ancient evil with a taste for virgins stalks them through the surrounding woodlands.”
Still flabby, but it gives you a better sense of who the protagonist is and what her internal and external goals are, and what’s at stake for her.
Hope this helps.
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