1. Posted: September 28, 2015In:

    ?An art forgery investigator deciphers location of stolen diamonds using her brother’s diary that mysteriously appears at her doorstep. She embarks on a hunt for the treasure finding her family lost decades ago and the truth about her father who masterminded an international heist.?

    Chris Andrews Penpusher

    Sounds intriguing. I'd recommend streamlining it so it's a little less complicated. The logline is getting lost in the detail of the story.

    Sounds intriguing. I’d recommend streamlining it so it’s a little less complicated. The logline is getting lost in the detail of the story.

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  2. Posted: November 9, 2012In:

    An unhinged loner masquerading in his late father?s police uniform investigates the apparent suicide of his only friend, a rookie Los Angeles cop with a dark secret. Can he walk the thin blue line?

    Chris Andrews Penpusher

    Interesting premise and a movie I'd like to see. I've only got two suggestions - getting rid of the second sentence as it's both a cliche and unnecessary, and finding a stronger hook as the situation itself may not be quite enough. Good luck.

    Interesting premise and a movie I’d like to see. I’ve only got two suggestions – getting rid of the second sentence as it’s both a cliche and unnecessary, and finding a stronger hook as the situation itself may not be quite enough.

    Good luck.

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  3. Posted: November 8, 2012In:

    The B-Team at Australia's Cyber Security Operations Centre are a mix of nerds, screw-ups and outcasts. They are tasked with protecting the nation from cyber crime and foreign espionage.

    Chris Andrews Penpusher

    Sounds like a fun comedy. You've given us the situation and something about the characters, but I'd like to know more about the sorts of stories/relationships the show will present, or the main story arc if you have one. Otherwise I like it. I could see myself watching this.

    Sounds like a fun comedy. You’ve given us the situation and something about the characters, but I’d like to know more about the sorts of stories/relationships the show will present, or the main story arc if you have one.

    Otherwise I like it. I could see myself watching this.

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