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The transformation of Angelo d?Angelo, a New York hit man who is unwittingly embraced into the bosom of a simple, rural Australian community. For the first time, Angelo learns that love and family are just as effective as any weapon he?s ever known
I like the concept, and can see lots of possibilities for this. I think it's a little too busy and could be cut down considerably. I'd suggest reducing it to something like: 'A New York hit man unwittingly enbraced into a rural Australian community discovers love and family are the most effective weRead more
I like the concept, and can see lots of possibilities for this.
I think it’s a little too busy and could be cut down considerably. I’d suggest reducing it to something like: ‘A New York hit man unwittingly enbraced into a rural Australian community discovers love and family are the most effective weapons.’
Even then, I’m a little confused as to the genre – could be comedy, drama, or an action-packed thriller – it’s simply not clear enough. If you could find a way to work that in with perhaps a well-chosen description in the right place, I think it would work really well. The words ‘unwittingly’ and ‘simple’ could suggest comedy, but they also have other connotations.
Cheers
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When a teenage hitchhiker under the protection of an obsessed tracker is kidnapped by the same pack of werewolves he is hunting, his only chance to resuce her requires him to suppress his hatred and form an alliance with a rival pack.
While I love a good werewolf story, I think this is a little too busy and wordy. I'd suggest pegging it back a bit to something closer to Lachlan Huddy's advice, though I'd clarify or reconsider the use of the word 'obsessed' as it's not clear that he's obsessed with hunting werewolves. Personally,Read more
While I love a good werewolf story, I think this is a little too busy and wordy. I’d suggest pegging it back a bit to something closer to Lachlan Huddy’s advice, though I’d clarify or reconsider the use of the word ‘obsessed’ as it’s not clear that he’s obsessed with hunting werewolves.
Personally, I’d turn it around a bit. ie, “A prejudiced tracker forms an alliance with a *insert appropriate description here* werewolf pack in order to save a girl kidnapped by *insert another appropriate description here* rival werewolves,” or something along those lines.
Hope that helps.
See lessA debilitated wildlife ranger discovers mutilated human remains, survives a Lycanthrope attack. He struggles to find safety from a group of sadistic werewolf hunters hot on his tail
I love a good werewolf story! Having seen a few, I can suggest that although the concept is workable, I'm not sure the logline helps it stand apart enough. ie, standard werewolf story. I think it needs a little more of 'something' to hook us. I'd also consider tightening it up a little. For example,Read more
I love a good werewolf story! Having seen a few, I can suggest that although the concept is workable, I’m not sure the logline helps it stand apart enough. ie, standard werewolf story. I think it needs a little more of ‘something’ to hook us.
I’d also consider tightening it up a little. For example, how important is the discovery of the remains? I’d also recommend cutting it down/reworking it into a single sentence of no more than 25 words (that’s just a personal limit, but it seems to work nicely).
Hope this helps.
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