Hi Tim. I like this – it gives me a fairly solid idea about what to expect if I were to read the script. Revenge/action/thriller is my first impression.

Thoughts: I’d suggest you don’t name the protagonist though – give a brief description instead. Ie, a distraught family man… Second, loglines are usually a single sentence if you could conbine them I think it might read better. Finally, I’d try and make it clear exactly what the relationship is, ie, the protagonist is holding someone responsible – but there’s the hint of a question as to whether he’s justified or not. If he’s not, it could give an entirely different slant to the movie.

Cheers
C