1. Posted: May 6, 2012In:

    An immortal warrior-princess from another universe unexpectedly falls in love with a human boy while hunting the shapechanger that murdered her parents.

    Chris Andrews Penpusher

    Thanks James, really apprecicat the feedback. Working hard on fixing it up. C

    Thanks James, really apprecicat the feedback. Working hard on fixing it up.

    C

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  2. Posted: May 20, 2012In:

    Taking on warring Texas drug cartels, a female Iraq war vet of color, a teenage hunk from the feed store, and a cattle dog, come to the aid of a neighbor who\'s son has been kidnapped.

    Chris Andrews Penpusher

    I think this one has lots of potential, but at the moment it's a little bit too busy and doesn't quite qive us enough information. I'd suggesting starting with the female war vet (and only include the 'of colour' part if it's vital to the plot), leave out the teenager and the dog, and continue withRead more

    I think this one has lots of potential, but at the moment it’s a little bit too busy and doesn’t quite qive us enough information.

    I’d suggesting starting with the female war vet (and only include the ‘of colour’ part if it’s vital to the plot), leave out the teenager and the dog, and continue with what she must do. Ie, save the son from the drug cartels.

    I’d recommend adding a specific threat too – a time deadline before they kill the son or something similar.

    Cheers & good luck.
    C

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  3. Posted: April 23, 2012In:

    A housewife must harness her newfound paranormal abilities and risk insanity to rescue her son from the possessed doctors and patients of a haunted asylum.

    Chris Andrews Penpusher

    I like this a lot. Tells me everything I need to know while sets up the risks and conflict in an intriguing way. I can visualise it. Good stuff.

    I like this a lot. Tells me everything I need to know while sets up the risks and conflict in an intriguing way. I can visualise it. Good stuff.

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