1. Posted: October 18, 2015In:

    In the aftermath of nuclear war, a bleak NASA scientist builds and enters a virtual recreation of the past to find a way to save civilisation, only for the system?s AI to determine humanity is beyond saving and attempts to kill her.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, there are interesting ideas in this concept, besides as a logline is not very readable (for me): ?the sentence is too long. Can't you define a clear main character, a clear goal and opponent ? In a virtual world created to prevent the end of the real world, a bleak scientist must fight a crazRead more

    Hello,
    there are interesting ideas in this concept,
    besides as a logline is not very readable (for me): ?the sentence is too long.
    Can’t you define a clear main character, a clear goal and opponent ?

    In a virtual world created to prevent the end of the real world, a bleak scientist must fight a crazy AI to save the experiment, and the world.

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  2. Posted: October 6, 2015In:

    Trish Humphries a self-absorbed news reporter who just moved to New York finally gets her own talk show. She thinks it’s in a big network, but it’s really just public access. Now she has to learn how to work with her new team and balance her open relationship with her three boyfriends while pursuing her dream to be famous.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, You can avoid the name of the cahracter (it doesn't mean nothing and in a logline every word is precious). I would try to reduce the word count and focus on the inciting event, the?main character's goal and the opponents. I give it a try, "When a self-absorbed news reporter joins a public netRead more

    Hello,
    You can avoid the name of the cahracter (it doesn’t mean nothing and in a logline every word is precious).
    I would try to reduce the word count and focus on the inciting event, the?main character’s goal and the opponents.

    I give it a try,

    “When a self-absorbed news reporter joins a public network, she must deal with her new team?and her three boyfriends to become a successful journalist”.

    I don’t understand why you say “it’s just public access”… I think the concept works better in 2 ways:
    If she’s a newbie in a big network, or if she’s a veteran/expert in a small network.

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  3. Posted: October 5, 2015In:

    Copernicus’ Secret: It takes a lifetime for Nicolaus Copernicus to re-write our understanding of the Universe but plagued by self-doubt and fear, he’s unwilling to publish until a Protestant Professor risks imprisonment to convince him to publish.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, about the movie on Marie Curie (x-ray scientific pioneer), david mamet said that you just want to know why Marie's?dog Skippy is dead. I thinks what you need in your movie is your Skippy dog. I love the idea of a movie on this subject, and the relationship between the scientist and the protesRead more

    Hello,

    about the movie on Marie Curie (x-ray scientific pioneer), david mamet said that you just want to know why Marie’s?dog Skippy is dead. I thinks what you need in your movie is your Skippy dog.

    I love the idea of a movie on this subject, and the relationship between the scientist and the protestant is a good angle,
    but,
    when I read “It takes a lifetime for Nicolaus Copernicus” I’m deadly bored 🙂 For 2 reasons, 1) I’m not interested in a lifetime work that happens before the story starts (and the story starts, for me, when something clear happens, like the meeting with the protestant professor).
    2) I would say just “copernicus” not Nicholaus Copernicus, or just Nichoalaus (Amadeus…), but “Nicoalus Copernicus” is a scholar formulation.

    You mention a risk of prison, this is when my moviegoer ears rised. But the prison is for the protestant professor… The risk and the stakes belongs mostly to the main character… Wouldn’t be better to make the professor the main character? Or, you should include in the logline the stakes for Copernicus not for his mentor.

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