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A medical student develops a serum to resurrect his dead fiancee only to fight for his life because she was resurrected from hell after being transformed into a demon. (29 words; THE LAZARUS EFFECT)
Hello, 30 word is not bad but there is?some redundancy (resurrect/resurrected). Then I think that the details about the technique for resurrecting her are not very interesting in the economy of the logline. Maybe it would be better to include some more details about the actual plot (a boy fighting aRead more
Hello, 30 word is not bad but there is?some redundancy (resurrect/resurrected). Then I think that the details about the technique for resurrecting her are not very interesting in the economy of the logline. Maybe it would be better to include some more details about the actual plot (a boy fighting a demon for at least one hour is all that we know). Maybe you can explain what kind of plan he has to kill the demon? Or you can tell where the fight take place (in a medicine school? At a big medicine students party- I like this one as there are usually some macabre jokes to play with!). ?Or you can explain what kind of demon she is (what does she wants? revenge? kill everyone?).
This is still too elusive about the plot but what about:
See less“When a?medical student resurrects his bitchy dead fiancee, he must fight for his life as she’s really form hell.”
WHEN A YOUNG SKATER IS THREATENED WITH EVICTION, HE TURNS TO HIS RAG TAG GROUP OF FRIENDS TO HELP HIM PULL OFF A YUPPIE HEIST TO END THEM ALL. (CA$H)
I suggest you to change "young" with a more specific adjective to give the reader some information about the character, maybe his flaw. The use of the expression "to end them all" is not clear to me. Then, maybe, you can expand a little bit?the "yuppie heist"and give some detail about what kind of hRead more
I suggest you to change “young” with a more specific adjective to give the reader some information about the character, maybe his flaw.
See lessThe use of the expression “to end them all” is not clear to me. Then, maybe, you can expand a little bit?the “yuppie heist”and give some detail about what kind of heist it is.
?In the desolate future, when a carefree and adventurous teenager is suddenly forced from his underground bunker into the world outside, he will have to mature quickly if he is to survive both the wilderness and the rogues that inhabit it.?
Hello, I suggest you to read this article about a script who shares some similarities with your concept: http://scriptshadow.net/screenplay-review-monster-problems/ It's the story of a young boy living in a bunker underground who decide to go outside to find a girl but this future world is full of bRead more
Hello,
I suggest you to read this article about a script who shares some similarities with your concept:
http://scriptshadow.net/screenplay-review-monster-problems/
It’s the story of a young boy living in a bunker underground who decide to go outside to find a girl but this future world is full of big monsters.
I think that if you can mention an objective reason for the boy to go outside we will have a better understanding of the plot.
And if you can change “the wilderness and the rogues that inhabit it” with something that can give the reader a visual picture of what there will be in the movie, the logline would be more powerful.
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