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  1. Posted: July 16, 2017In: Crime

    The Story about A detective who gets terribly injured during the operation, he goes to Coma. After a Month, he becomes conscious and he realizes that he gains a strange skill that he can contact to corpses that murdered.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on July 18, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    Also, since space is at a ?premium concerning loglines, I suggest you drop "A story about..." and save a few words that can be better used elsewhere.

    Also, since space is at a ?premium concerning loglines, I suggest you drop “A story about…” and save a few words that can be better used elsewhere.

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  2. Posted: July 16, 2017In: Examples

    After an attempt on his father’s life, a by-the-book Marine captain must kill his father’s rivals and become head of his own crime family to protect those he loves.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on July 18, 2017 at 1:59 am

    Right, Failing the plot is fine. Failing the logline plot is a reveal we don't think we need to include. I guess one could include that if he doesn't successfully assume control of the family business that death is the final result. And not just for the MC, but for his loved ones as well. ... to desRead more

    Right,

    Failing the plot is fine. Failing the logline plot is a reveal we don’t think we need to include.

    I guess one could include that if he doesn’t successfully assume control of the family business that death is the final result. And not just for the MC, but for his loved ones as well.

    … to desperately?ensure his safety and the safety of his family.

    I dunno.

    I agree with you though, as much as I was told to like this movie, every time I try to watch it from start to finish, I fall asleep. I mean, the wedding scene is, well… a wedding.

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  3. Posted: July 16, 2017In: Examples

    After an attempt on his father’s life, a by-the-book Marine captain must kill his father’s rivals and become head of his own crime family to protect those he loves.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on July 18, 2017 at 1:26 am

    DK, The problem with: After an attempt on his father?s life, a Marine who wishes to avoid mob life must get revenge and reluctantly take his father?s place as the head of a?crime family. (31) is that you clearly state that Michael wishes to avoid mob life, so then him becoming a head mobster would sRead more

    DK,

    The problem with:

    After an attempt on his father?s life, a Marine who wishes to avoid mob life must get revenge and reluctantly take his father?s place as the head of a?crime family. (31)

    is that you clearly state that Michael wishes to avoid mob life, so then him becoming a head mobster would suggest that he has failed the story plot in a major way.

    After an attempt on his father’s life, a Marine reluctantly assumes control of the family crime business to further ensure his family’s safety.

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