1. Posted: July 15, 2017In:

    After a vehicle accident cripples his parents but not him, an adoptee must confront what life might be like without both sets of his parents.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    What's the point in mentioning that he is an adoptee, after his need for parents has been clearly defined. Why would he need to confront life without them when they are still alive? This reads a bit clunky. After an accident cripples both of his parents, a child must rely on his own self to live.

    What’s the point in mentioning that he is an adoptee, after his need for parents has been clearly defined. Why would he need to confront life without them when they are still alive? This reads a bit clunky.

    After an accident cripples both of his parents, a child must rely on his own self to live.

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  2. Posted: July 15, 2017In:

    When a young teenage boy living in a racist Texan town discovers and befriends a Mexican teenage slave, he must expose the secret slave-trading business to save his friend and the others.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    When does this take place? If it's modern day, it would be hard to imagine a teenager needs to do anything else other than report the slave operation to the authorities and then save the day. Is there anything more specific you can mention about what these slaves are being used for?

    When does this take place? If it’s modern day, it would be hard to imagine a teenager needs to do anything else other than report the slave operation to the authorities and then save the day.

    Is there anything more specific you can mention about what these slaves are being used for?

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  3. Posted: July 15, 2017In:

    Planet Spaceballs’ President Skroob sends Lord Dark Helmet to steal planet Druidia’s abundant supply of air to replenish their own, and only Lone Starr can stop them. SPACEBALLS

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    For such a successful movie, this IMDB logline could be better. I'm wondering if it's better served as is, or better to just come out and say, "It's a goof on Star Wars, enjoy."

    For such a successful movie, this IMDB logline could be better.

    I’m wondering if it’s better served as is, or better to just come out and say, “It’s a goof on Star Wars, enjoy.”

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