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A struggling Aborginal widow is determined to make her 4 bi-racial daughters into a huge international girl band to guarantee they’ll never see poverty again.
1. Is this a credible premise? Do you want the audience to actually believe that she has a chance or to perceive her as delusional? 2. OK, lets say this is her desire. What action does she take in order to achieve her goal of making her them superstars? 3. What about the daughters themselves? Is thiRead more
1. Is this a credible premise? Do you want the audience to actually believe that she has a chance or to perceive her as delusional?
2. OK, lets say this is her desire. What action does she take in order to achieve her goal of making her them superstars?
3. What about the daughters themselves? Is this their dream, too? If it is, then why aren’t they the protagonist?
See lessTwo NYT investigators must pursue three decades of sexually harassed women to incriminate a powerful film producer.
Two NYT investigators must pursue three decades of sexually harassed women to incriminate a powerful film producer. 1. What is "NYT?" 2. What do you mean "pursue three decades of sexually harassed women?" Are they currently investigating, opening past cases that date back to three decades ago? Or haRead more
Two NYT investigators must pursue three decades of sexually harassed women to incriminate a powerful film producer.
1. What is “NYT?”
2. What do you mean “pursue three decades of sexually harassed women?” Are they currently investigating, opening past cases that date back to three decades ago? Or have they been following a trail for the last 30 years or so?
3. What is the inciting incident? Why now?
4. Give us some character. Some flaws hinting that a transformation arc will take place.
See lessWhen her mother is brutally murdered, a family woman must find out who her mother was, in order to uncover what happened; but when a cult from her mother’s secret past starts to infiltrate her life , she must Mary and her family must escape indoctrination or risk becoming victims themselves.
What is the backstory here? How far back was the "secret past?" How old was her mother when she left the cult? Did she have her daughter while in the cult? Does the daughter have memories from being in the cult? I am asking because I don't see why the cult would kill the mother 30 years later or morRead more
What is the backstory here? How far back was the “secret past?” How old was her mother when she left the cult? Did she have her daughter while in the cult? Does the daughter have memories from being in the cult?
I am asking because I don’t see why the cult would kill the mother 30 years later or more, by the time she has become a grandmother. Why the wait?
The logline is very long as it is. I suggest:
“When her mother is brutally murdered, a religious single mum must find the killers, to save her own daughter from sacrifice by an ancient cult.”
I obviously took some liberties with character traits and details, but we need to see some specifics, so swap them for whatever works for you.
I put “single mother” instead of “family woman,” because it makes her position even worse, being all alone against the enemy. If you have a plan for her husband to help or impede her, ignore the suggestion.
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