1. Posted: September 28, 2018In:

    When her alcoholic father breaks his leg and ends up at the hospital, the 11-year old girl must find someone to stay with or she?ll be placed in foster care.

    giannisggeorgiou Samurai

    @mikepedley85: What is the story you are trying to tell? The idea has changed a lot and I?m just wondering what is at the root of all of this? I am also wondering the same thing. I have lost track of the ball, myself. We can keep suggesting different variants of your story, but I sense we do you noRead more

    Mike Pedley:

    What is the story you are trying to tell? The idea has changed a lot and I?m just wondering what is at the root of all of this?

    I am also wondering the same thing. I have lost track of the ball, myself. We can keep suggesting different variants of your story, but I sense we do you no good. You seem to adapt and mix and come up with new loglines that may or may not make things clearer in your head.

    Can you tell us what moves you, so that we could help towards that direction?

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  2. Posted: September 28, 2018In:

    After falling in love a doctor while recovering in a hospital a woman find out she’s in coma. Now she must decide, will she wake up and go back to her life or will she stay?

    Best Answer
    giannisggeorgiou Samurai

    I am not sure I understand the whole logline. Let me check: The first sentence has bad syntax. Do you mean: After falling in love with a doctor while recovering in a hospital, a woman finds out she's in a coma. ? What do you mean "she finds out she is in a coma?" Do you mean she is in a coma but sheRead more

    I am not sure I understand the whole logline. Let me check:

    The first sentence has bad syntax. Do you mean:

    After falling in love with a doctor while recovering in a hospital, a woman finds out she’s in a coma.

    ?

    What do you mean “she finds out she is in a coma?” Do you mean she is in a coma but she has consciousness? And she can make choices?

    And is the dilemma whether she will wake up or stay in a coma, so that she stay close to her doctor?

    OK, let’s assume this is the case.

    Why is this a dilemma? Why not wake up (since it’s up to her) and then meet the doctor in person and tell him that she loves him? Even if “she has a life” that she has to go back to, why is this a problem?Even if she is married. Movies are about people making courageous decisions. The most courageous decision would be to wake up and deal with whomever she is in love with. “Staying in the coma” is a coward’s, an escapist’s decision. I don’t see why it would satisfy any audience.

    Now, in terms of the 3 essential elements of the logline’s structure:

    Event: “After falling in love with a doctor, while recovering in a hospital… in a coma…”

    Character: “…a woman…”

    Action: … she must decide, will she wake up and go back to her life or will she stay?”

    After mentioning that the Character bit is a little vague, it being simply “a woman,” with no other information on her personality, I must say that the thinest part of all is the Action. A decision cannot be the action that drives the Second Act. A decision takes only a moment. It may take ages to decide, but that’s still not an action. That’s hesitation.

    So she decides. Or, it takes her time to decide. Or she keeps changing her mind. But what happens while she struggles with her decision?What do we see on the screen? Also, whatever happens, does it happen to her? Is she completely passive?

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  3. Posted: September 29, 2018In:

    A brutal ex-sheriff returns to the small town where she bullied others as a child to investigate a string of seemingly random suicides.

    giannisggeorgiou Samurai

    The logline implies that it is the sheriff's fault that people commit suicide. I can't help but associate the suicides with the bullied victims. Right? If not, it should probably be worded in a different manner. So how does she face the sins? Is there a particular visible action that she must take?Read more

    The logline implies that it is the sheriff’s fault that people commit suicide. I can’t help but associate the suicides with the bullied victims. Right?

    If not, it should probably be worded in a different manner.

    So how does she face the sins? Is there a particular visible action that she must take? Does she console the relatives of the deceased? Does she make an effort to stop the suicides?

    I like the event (the suicides sky rocketing) and the character (ex-sheriff, ex-bully), but I am missing a specific action that would help me see the story in my head.

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