1. Posted: June 4, 2020In: ,

    When a meek chemistry teacher is diagnosed with lung cancer, he must earn $740,000 by cooking meth to provide for his family after his death.

    Best Answer
    Odie Samurai

    Good stuff Karel, here's my no comma spin. A meek chemistry teacher diagnosed with terminal lung cancer must earn $740,000 by selling his signature blue meth to secure his family’s future.

    Good stuff Karel, here’s my no comma spin.

    A meek chemistry teacher diagnosed with terminal lung cancer must earn $740,000 by selling his signature blue meth to secure his family’s future.

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  2. Posted: June 1, 2020In:

    An uptight corporate couple, despondent their once spontaneous relationship has become joyless in the single-minded pursuit of starting a family, attempt to save their marriage by impulsively buying a run-down ski resort in rural Tasmania.

    Odie Samurai

    Very cool, gives me a “We Bought a Zoo” vibe – here are my thoughts. “despondent their once spontaneous relationship has become joyless in the single-minded pursuit of starting a family” I had to re-read this a couple of times to get it. From an American standpoint, you do not need to add “rural” whRead more

    Very cool, gives me a “We Bought a Zoo” vibe – here are my thoughts.

    • “despondent their once spontaneous relationship has become joyless in the single-minded pursuit of starting a family” I had to re-read this a couple of times to get it.
    • From an American standpoint, you do not need to add “rural” when referring to Tasmania – it is already baked in the name ?.

    Questions:
    1. Are they newlyweds?
    2. What are their professions?
    3. What are the reasons why they cannot start a family?
    4. Where were they located when purchasing the resort?

    My current take:
    An XXX power-couple XXX impulse buys a run-down Tasmanian ski resort in hopes of rebuilding their joyless marriage XXX.

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  3. Posted: May 29, 2020In:

    Professor Taian Russo returns possessed artifacts from a mysterious island where Heather, a 17th century Scottish woman, was exiled to.? He must help her find peace before her possessive powers take full control.

    Best Answer
    Odie Samurai

    I dig it ZarahNZ, here are my thoughts: Since Taian and Heather are not historical characters e.g. William Wallace, they add no value to the reader and steal precious space from your logline ? see the Formula link at the top of the page for help. What are some traits for the professor e.g. ?An absenRead more

    I dig it ZarahNZ, here are my thoughts:

    • Since Taian and Heather are not historical characters e.g. William Wallace, they add no value to the reader and steal precious space from your logline ? see the Formula link at the top of the page for help.
    • What are some traits for the professor e.g. ?An absent-minded professor must return the missing artifacts? What is his arc?
    • It is hard for me to picture ?possessed artifacts? and associate them with the exiled woman. Your logline would have more of an impact if we had a primary artifact, like Bow or a Wand ? what is yours?
    • Who is this 17th-century Scottish woman? A witch, a warrior, accused of murder? Why was she exiled?
    • I can relate how the Professor who has the artifacts could be a key to doing something for the woman, but that is about it ? How can he help her find peace? If he was a priest, I can make the connection, but he is a professor.
    • Currently, the stakes are ?before her possessive powers take full control?. Assuming her physical body is long gone, and her spirit is stuck on an island? So what ? let her go to 11 ? The professor does not live on the island, he can leave the artifacts in the museum display case and move on with this life ? why does he HAVE to do this? And what will happen if he doesn?t ? how will her maxing out affect my life in Big D?
    • This logline needs conflict – we have a professor that wants to help an exiled spirit. This is Horror, I am not seeing a life-ending antagonist oppose his mission.

    Please use the Comments area to reply so community and I can take a stab at your logline – take care.

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