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When a suicidal woman rediscovers the letters from her imprisoned lover sent 4o years ago she decides to reply. Her reply leads to a deeper understanding of how self-forgiveness after a tragedy can be the hardest thing of all to overcome.
Intriguing premise, leaning towards: “A woman on the verge of suicide ignites a journey of reconciliation and self-forgiveness when replying to a 40-year-old letter from her imprisoned lover” 1. Refashion to better grab the reader concerning suicide, letter, and journey. 2. Who is this woman? E.g.,Read more
Intriguing premise, leaning towards:
“A woman on the verge of suicide ignites a journey of reconciliation and self-forgiveness when replying to a 40-year-old letter from her imprisoned lover”
1. Refashion to better grab the reader concerning suicide, letter, and journey.
2. Who is this woman? E.g., a nurse that fell for a soldier that was captured. Prison guard? I would love to see the connection.
3. Changed letter(s) to one letter – her destiny needs only a single action to start her journey.
4. A location may help orientate the reader.
Hope you find this constructive, keep going!
See lessInorder to Save and Marry his Indian Girlfriend who is getting arranged Married, An American Highschool teacher is being tricked by his Indian Student and Colleagues plans & Kidnaps his Girlfriend from her Strict Cultural Family
Let’s workshop a bit: “A lovelorn” – lovelorn is good! “high school teacher” – there’s a US > L.A. connection in your logline, why? The reader will assume an Indian HS teacher thus mentioning L.A. will make them do a double-take. If your teacher is from the US, then you need to preface this for oRead more
Let’s workshop a bit:
“A lovelorn” – lovelorn is good!
“high school teacher” – there’s a US > L.A. connection in your logline, why? The reader will assume an Indian HS teacher thus mentioning L.A. will make them do a double-take. If your teacher is from the US, then you need to preface this for orientation purposes.
“is being tricked by his student” – no clue what this means, what does this look like on the screen?
“and colleague’s” – can be removed.
“resorts to kidnapping his Indian girlfriend” – As mentioned by others, who is this girlfriend to your teacher? The only assumption is that she is a student of his – anyone else would be outside the world of your logline.
“from getting arranged married” – Ok, this plausible.
“and then fighting her strict cultural family” – can be removed, by stating an arranged marriage the reader will get she comes from a strict fam.
“takes her to L.A. and Marries her” – this can be interpreted as they embark on an L.A. whirlwind romance.
Suggestion: Click the Formula link at the top of the page, read the page, then reread all input given to refashion your logline. I know your plot is still in development. Again, I’m hoping the “trick” is your comedy hook and the entire logline can be restructured around it, hope you find this constructive.
See lessInorder to Save and Marry his Indian Girlfriend who is getting arranged Married, An American Highschool teacher is being tricked by his Indian Student and Colleagues plans & Kidnaps his Girlfriend from her Strict Cultural Family
This is what I can glean: “When falling for an Indian student, an overseas American high school teacher resorts to kidnapping in order to prevent her upcoming arranged marriage” I can’t think of a culture where this relationship is OK – I’m missing the comedy. Maybe the “trick” is your comedy hook,Read more
This is what I can glean:
“When falling for an Indian student, an overseas American high school teacher resorts to kidnapping in order to prevent her upcoming arranged marriage”
I can’t think of a culture where this relationship is OK – I’m missing the comedy. Maybe the “trick” is your comedy hook, and the logline can be reorganized around it?
Keep going.
See less