1. Posted: August 31, 2012In:

    A young mineworker with considerable magical powers, yearning for a better life, manages to gain an apprenticeship with a dark group of wizards, and soon learns that finding personal happiness entails as many deadly perils as choosing sides in the struggles between power-hungry factions.

    jcotton

    thanks, jimnewman75, that's much closer to the direction I think it needs to go! Now I have something to work with. :) Jeff

    thanks, jimnewman75, that’s much closer to the direction I think it needs to go! Now I have something to work with. 🙂

    Jeff

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  2. Posted: August 31, 2012In:

    A young mineworker with considerable magical powers, yearning for a better life, manages to gain an apprenticeship with a dark group of wizards, and soon learns that finding personal happiness entails as many deadly perils as choosing sides in the struggles between power-hungry factions.

    jcotton

    You say it's too wordy, but that I should "Find a magical power that might be ironic or associated with his profession as a miner, then make the power conflict with his overall goal." I'm afraid I don't understand how I'm going to do all of that, and make it less wordy. And frankly it sounds like yoRead more

    You say it’s too wordy, but that I should “Find a magical power that might be ironic or associated with his profession as a miner, then make the power conflict with his overall goal.” I’m afraid I don’t understand how I’m going to do all of that, and make it less wordy. And frankly it sounds like you’re trying to rewrite my story.

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  3. Posted: August 31, 2012In:

    As a lifeguard struggles to cope with his wife's suicide, his emotions are at breaking point when the rapist responsible for her sorrow pleads for help.

    jcotton

    Wow, I think that's much more powerful! Terrific.

    Wow, I think that’s much more powerful! Terrific.

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