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Finding a dazzling world outside the enclosed home of the feared and hated pooka-people, a young pooka learns to cooperate with other species and takes it upon himself to defeat the oppressive leader of his own people and unite the world.
Sounds exotic and fun! I would rephrase the inciting incident to make it more specific and possibly more clearly disruptive of the pooka's life. "Finding a dazzling world" sounds like an opportunity rather than something that forces him to act. I can understand the clear goal "to defeat the oppressiRead more
Sounds exotic and fun!
I would rephrase the inciting incident to make it more specific and possibly more clearly disruptive of the pooka’s life. “Finding a dazzling world” sounds like an opportunity rather than something that forces him to act.
I can understand the clear goal “to defeat the oppressive leader” but would prefer to see that more specific as well. I suspect that the leader’s actions are related to the Inciting Incident; what does he do to set the story into motion?
See lessAfter his rock musical The Rock Man gets nominated for best musical, a broadway theater director tries to advertise his play so it can win a Tony and he is also struggling with his wife's death
I'm not sure if this logline is for an existing film or one that you propose. I can see a few issues here. The hero is a broadway theater director, which is not inherently an interesting character. Do you have strengths/flaws? To me, the musical getting nominated is not a strong inciting incident. IRead more
I’m not sure if this logline is for an existing film or one that you propose.
I can see a few issues here.
The hero is a broadway theater director, which is not inherently an interesting character. Do you have strengths/flaws?
To me, the musical getting nominated is not a strong inciting incident. I know Michael Hauge speaks of an ‘Opportunity’ but strong inciting incidents are rarely positive. Here, it doesn’t really create an imbalance in the life of the hero. Good inciting incidents always do. They are things that have never happened before and end the life of the hero as s/he knew it.
To advertise a play is definitely too weak a goal for a feature film and the Tony award is not a very strong stake in the eyes of the mainstream audience.
Finally, the death of the wife is something we all know he will have to accept. So this is the inner journey. But I cannot see how this is related to the outer journey.
All in all, I must admit I am not hooked into this concept. You would need to really think it through again or start from scratch.
See lessThe summer of 1978 will change a group of young ghost investigators lives forever ? they must solve the mystery at the heart of their rural seaside town and catch a villain with nothing more than their wits and chopper bikes all the while growing together as they grow up.
Do we need to know that it set in 1978? From this logline I can't see that it is important, so leave it out. "When his rural seaside town is terrorised, a young ghost investigator must learn to work together with his team before solving the mystery and catching the villain." Perhaps we need a littleRead more
Do we need to know that it set in 1978? From this logline I can’t see that it is important, so leave it out.
“When his rural seaside town is terrorised, a young ghost investigator must learn to work together with his team before solving the mystery and catching the villain.”
Perhaps we need a little more detail on the villain. If this is not an interesting character, the movie won’t work.
And I would like to know what happens to the town or the villagers. Right now, it all sounds very generic.
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