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A young man proves that in every life experience, there's something to be learnt when he falls on his experiences to win the ultimate prize in a televised game show.
Thank you for posting the logline for a 'Classic'. Okay, this is the logline for Slumdog Millionaire but I'm going to review it as if I have not seen the film and have to decide whether or not to read the script, based on the logline. "A young man" is a little vague for a strong protagonist. We knowRead more
Thank you for posting the logline for a ‘Classic’.
Okay, this is the logline for Slumdog Millionaire but I’m going to review it as if I have not seen the film and have to decide whether or not to read the script, based on the logline.
“A young man” is a little vague for a strong protagonist. We know that this guy is super-resourceful and super-persistent. He goes for his goal OBSESSIVELY. Now this is something everyone wants to see.
The main character is an orphan from the slums of Mumbai, who wants to win the Indian version of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” Now THAT is interesting. You MUST mention it.
“in every life experience, there’s something to be learnt”: I don’t think anyone will doubt this, so it is not really an exciting promise in the logline. It is also very vague.
What is to be learned for this character? This will give us a hint into his strengths and flaws.
“He falls on his experiences”: what does this mean? It doesn’t say much the way the logline is currently written.
Can you give it another try? Have fun with it!
See lessTwo boys from two different worlds have what the other needs to live. The price looks just right for the exchange… except, not everyone is keen on having them alive.
This vaguely sounds like a logline, but it isn't one. "Two boys": so it is a dual protagonist movie? Unless you have some experience (which - with respect - the logline doesn't suggest), I would recommend to stick to one main character. See here why: http://thestorydepartment.com/stick-to-one-hero "Read more
This vaguely sounds like a logline, but it isn’t one.
“Two boys”: so it is a dual protagonist movie? Unless you have some experience (which – with respect – the logline doesn’t suggest), I would recommend to stick to one main character. See here why: http://thestorydepartment.com/stick-to-one-hero
“What the other needs to live” is awfully vague. We can’t imagine anything exciting for this movie. Be clear about what to expect, so the reader has a reason to want to see it.
“Not everyone is keen…”: this suggests an antagonist but it is so much more interesting if we know the identity and motivations of the antagonist.
The logline now reads like it is saying “I have a really exciting story for you, but I’m not going to tell you what it is about.” This never works.
Back to the drawing board!
See lessA troubled High School guy sees the preacher's mousey daughter in a new light when an accident brings them together but, is it too late for their love?
"high school guy": you mean a student? "troubled": in what way? Give us more detail so we can visualise, imagine him. What exactly happens? "an accident" is too vague and uninteresting. If this inciting incident is worthy of being in the movie, it is worthy of being in the logline... "Is it too lateRead more
“high school guy”: you mean a student?
“troubled”: in what way? Give us more detail so we can visualise, imagine him.
What exactly happens? “an accident” is too vague and uninteresting. If this inciting incident is worthy of being in the movie, it is worthy of being in the logline…
“Is it too late for their love”: Why would it be too late? Without the reader knowing, this question is confusing.
This is clearly a love story. But who is chasing whom? Be clear about who is the main character and what obstacles there are in the way of the two ending up together.
See less